I’ve been through similar circumstances. I’d just been granted “permission” to be a housewife because I could not find a job and the job search itself made me so anxious I got the Shingles, my husband and I had just built our dream home, our son had finally been diagnosed with Autism at age 5, which was a good thing because my MIL was blaming me for his developmental delays, and I was finally happy with the way things were going. Four months later, my now ex-husband tells me he is gay, we need to sell the house and move to a different city so our son could go to a special school, and I would have to find a job. I had to have surgery two weeks before I began my job search. It was tough going. But I ended up making it through. And that is only because the morning after my ex told me he was gay, I was in the shower contemplating suicide. I’d been a Christian since I was young, but I’d never really had a “close” relationship with God. That all changed in the shower that day. Instead of slitting my wrists, I called out to God. I was led to a great apartment complex and the lady managing it helped me get in, even though I didn’t technically qualify. I got a job at a restaurant chain in their accounting department and went from $9 an hour to $12 an hour in four months. And I finally stopped running from God and started doing what I was “called” to do, and that was sing. I have always been painfully shy, and when God called me into the music ministry, I ran the other way. Hence the bad marriage, etc. But God turned my life around so many times to help me. I never knew a time when I had a closer walk with God than when I needed Him so badly. He blessed me beyond measure, and I’d literally break down crying just counting my blessings. He is so good. I ended up getting a job at a new place where there was room for advancement. I got fired one year later. That is when I found out the reason I couldn’t remember anything anymore was I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and it was basically taking over my brain activity. So, instead of blocking out just painful memories, it was preventing all short term memory from becoming long term memory. I was a sad sight. But I never would have gotten help for the PTSD without the things that had happened since my divorce a year before. I’m currently on disability. If you can’t remember one day to the next how to do your job, it gets to where you’re too slow and make too many mistakes. I’m thankful I lost my job. I was getting to be suicidal again. The job was so easy and yet I was failing at it miserably. After I was fired, I went into the hospital and through a treatment program. It improved things a little, but my new psychiatrist wants me to undergo the kind of therapy that I can only get if I enter a hospital because it is so in-depth. I have a young daughter now, from my second marriage and I’m still married to my second husband. He was out of work for seven months and only got his job in this new town in February. It was tempting to worry about my husband’s unemployment. But I always felt that the job was out there, it just wasn’t ready for him. The very day my husband got the notice that his unemployment benefit ran out, an old friend contacted him and said he was leaving his job for another one closer to home and did my husband want it? He got the job and has just gotten a raise and things are looking up financially. My daughter is happy in preschool and my son is in middle school. I was supposed to receive benefits for my kids all these years since my disability claim was put through. My son’s account now has all the money that he was supposed to get these four years. So, now that he is being treated incorrectly by the school, I can finally hire an advocate for him so that the schools will no longer be hell for him.

There’s one theme I’m trying to show here. God’s timing is perfect timing. If my husband had been offered any other job before his friend called him, I would not be where I am today. If disability had paid me the benefits for my son from day one, I wouldn’t have enough money in his account to hire an advocate for him when he really needs it.

The funny thing? The woman who managed the first property I rented in the city that had the special school was manager of the last apartment I had there. When I couldn’t handle the new neighbors, I told her we’d have to move. That weekend, her daughter was moving out of a house that she owned. She offered us the house at the price of the mortgage and not a penny more. When we needed to break our lease on the house, I told her we’d pay her the extra three months that were left, but (guess what?) her daughter had gotten a new job and two other girls were going to be able to share the mortgage payments. So when I sent her the note, she called me and said, “I was just going to call you tonight to ask when you thought you’d be moving out because my daughter is itching to get back into the house.”

Timing. It’s all about timing. If you can remain faithful to what God wants you to do, He will send things your way to help you make it through them, OK? I know how it can be to have this great plan and have everything lined up and then suddenly, the bottom falls out. Sometimes that means the devil is attacking you, but – more likely- God has a different plan for you. Maybe He’s trying to teach you something through all this. The most likely thing would be for you to not lean on your own understanding, but just trust Him. Or it could be something else. Just seek His will in everything you do, and you will be alright. God pulled me out of so many financial messes over the years that have no rational explanation. Example: I was pulled over for speeding. I was arguing with my son, one of the things he does that irritates me, so I wasn’t paying attention to my speed. I was pulled going 53 in a 35 MPH zone. The moment we stopped, I said, “Dear God, please help, you know I didn’t do this intentionally and I’m broke. Please, I can’t afford this kind of ticket.” The cop took my license and registration and was going to the back to write down my license plate number when another cop drove by and turned his siren on for a moment to catch the attention of the cop who pulled me over. He tossed my license and registration through the window and said, “Slow it down” and took off in his car, siren wailing. I had to go back through that area about ten minutes later because I was just running an errand. The cop was already back at his speed trap. He obviously wasn’t needed where the other cop went…so why was he called away before he could write me a ticket? I choose to believe it was God. The timing was too perfect.

So pray like you’ve been doing. God will help you, whether it’s to help you set things straight or send you another direction entirely…who are we to question God’s plan? Psalms and the Book of James helped me a lot during the hard times and so did a few places in the Book of Matthew.

(Sorry this is so long.)

First off, Kyle can cross choke on a Twinkie, you jerk! Second, I’ve in no way been in a rut so long as you’ve gotten, however I’m in a bit of rut now, so I have no idea the entire feeling or frustration however I comprehend the discomfort. As for those humans bashing you with this “get off you a$$”…If you have not been there it’s not that handy! (I recognise if could if I might) When you’ve gotten low self worth and fears it hinders you from having religion in your self to do some thing. It’s like a steel block. It’s like a individual on your head telling you no at all times. Not to say the horrible procrastination, that can not be so much support both. I suppose the satisfactory factor you’ll be able to do, (what I am seeking to do) Is hold telling your self that you’re a lovely individual (within & out), you’re cherished, you’re foremost, you imply some thing, matters gets bigger, you’ll be able to do anthing, you are going to get by way of this, you’re designated, you’re gifted. 🙂 As for being a mum or dad, if you’re considering it now and are consered on what style of mum or dad you’re, in my booklet you’re doing plenty bigger than plenty of humans. 🙂

Okay, you need a plan.

Start by making a list (so you are not listless, of course) of everything you need to do to move forward and succeed. ALOT of college students get to exactly where you are right now and quit, which is why so many people never get their degree. Slow, steady and methodical…. make a list and cross them off as you do them. You will feel better, knowing you are accomplishing something. Remember, college is all about sacrificing what you are now, for what you can become….

list suggestions may need to adjust order of importance…

*go to the fin aid office and turn in/complete those loan papers and ask if you can add “Work Study” to your list of fin aid assistance so you can get a job on campus.

*enroll in the payment plan option or emergency loan

*add two more classes

*pick up on campus housing information while you are there

*If you are a member of a fraternity ask them if they have any assistance for you. Financial, emotional, housinal 🙂

*Visit the campus counseling center and ask if they have mental health counselors available. That you are having a rough time and would like to talk to someone.

*Call the scholarship committee and politely ask them if there is any type of appeal process or whatever to make things right

*Go to your court appearance neatly pressed and dressed (don’t show up wearing all black) get your hair cut if necessary and let them know you are a full time college student majoring in _____ and have a goal to be_____ if they start asking about you and what you do.

Good Luck!

learn from it and move on. You mention prayer, so try letting go and letting God work out your life’s direction.