Circa 1876

“Calico Muffin”

“I ain’t no (2.)flash in the pan, Matthew.”

“I know. I know. (1.)When the chips are down, you’re the little fellow I want in my corner, ” said U.S.Marshal Matt Dillon, to his trusty deputy, Festus Haggen.

Festus:”So……….. what is this job you want me to do,Matthew? Help you on the trail of a desperate criminal? Find a run-away child? Put up some Wanted posters? What?”

Matt handed him a bucket of water and a rag…….” Could you please wash off all (5.) the writing (that) is on the wall, in cell # 2 ? My last prisoner made a mess of things!”

Festus:” You betcha, Matthew!!! I’ll make the whole durn place fairly sparkle!!”

Matt:”Fine, Festus. That’ll be just fine.” He started to walk away.

Festus:”Well…..Where’re YOU going?”

Matt:” I’ve got some REAL “marshaling” to do!!! Miss Clairey’s cat, Calico Muffin, is stuck in a tree…….” He rubbed his chin….”But first I think I’ll grab me a free beer from the Long Branch !!”

Festus licked his lips and watched sadly as Matt walked off, without so much as a WORD of whether or not HE could use a mug of suds!!

When Matt finally reached the tree where Calico Muffin was, Miss Clairey was in a state of agitation…..”WELL!!! Marshal Dillon….Took you long enough!!”

Matt:”Sorry maam. I had a previous engagement.”

Miss Clairey:”Business??!!” She walked up next to him, stood on her tip-toes, and sniffed………..I can SMELL the beer!!”

“Dang it! I thought I took enough breath mints ,” he muttered under his breath.

Matt:”Okay. Which tree is she in?” Miss Clairey pointed to the old oak, to the left of her house.

Miss Clairey:”I want you to climb up there and rescue my darling baby …………. Hold on, Calico Muffin!!! Hold on !!! ‘Uncle Marshal Dillon’ is coming!!!”

Matt looked up…..IT was a tall tree. A VERY tall tree. He gulped ………. “Ahhh….. Now let’s not be hasty ………………. Here kitty, kitty, kitty!!!!”

Miss Clairey:”For haven’s sake!! Don’t you think I tried that?!”

Matt grimaced and began scaling the gigantic tree. The higher he climbed, the further the cat retreated. Matt was growing sick and tired of the entire situation. He resorted to the only recourse he could think of.

“Calico Muffin??!!! This is U.S. Marshal Matt Dillon. Come down at once!!!! In the name of the law!!”

http://www.iwannagetthat.com/television/arnessJames.jpg

The cat slowly starting walking toward Matt. Miss Clairey yelled out…….. ” Do you have enough room up there, Marshal Dillon?? Can you get her safely?!”

Matt :” Heck……… There’s enough(3.) room to swing a cat!!!”

Miss Clairey looked horrified.

Matt:”Kidding. Just kidding.” He picked up Calico Muffin, put her in his shirt and climbed back down the massive tree. He gently handed the cat to Miss Clairey, tipped his hat, and headed back to his office……With a possible detour to the Long Branch !

Okay

Roll Credits:

Matt Dillon……… James Arness

http://deseretnews.com/photos/web0819arness.jpg

Festus Haggen …… Ken Curtis

http://www.eviltwin.velvetsofa.com/Curtis/graphics/guide/FestusArt.jpg

Miss Clairey………. Zasu Pitts

http://content.answers.com/main/content/img/webpics/ZaSu_Pitts.jpg

Calico Muffin portrayed herself

http://www.flickr.com/photos/majik7_shi/470252233/

First, I needed a place to crash. For what I could afford, the apartment was so tiny, there was barely enough room to swing a cat. Every day I would go out and audition, and look for work. I wasn’t having much luck, and could “see” by the writing on the wall that I was striking out. When the chips are down like this, one has to be creative. What to do?

Then the most amazing thing happened. I stumbled across a line of people waiting to audition to be on “American Idol.” This could be my big chance to be discovered. I could show all of America that I had a lot on the ball. Well, I got my shot at fame, but I struck out — Simon Cowell didn’t like me. Luckily, the next day I was offered a job as lead singer with the “Boy Toys.” Perhaps you’ve heard of us?

Mary was cooking and knocked over a bag of chips. When the chips are down on the floor the cat started to lick them. Mary quickly looked down at the cat and when she looked back there was a flash in the pan. Her pancakes were on fire she quickly put it out and proceded to clean up the chips, she was so angry she wanted to throw somethign she looked for room to swing the cat. She decided that there was no room so she threw a basball the cat chased after it and landed on the ball. She remembered she needed to check on her 3 yr old daughter and found her with her crayons she asked “what are you doing” to which her daughter replied “writing” the bad part was that the writing is on the wall. This completed the bad things that happened during mary’s day.

~The End