Circa 1876

It hadn’t rained in 2 weeks. People and animals weren’t just thirsty…… they were getting very edgy. Why…Just this morning three pigs from the Dandy Dickie Dude Ranch stormed the streets of Dodge, heading for the horse troughs !!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ting0308/142498309/

Miss Kitty Russell, who had been complaining all morning to Sam The Bartender that she was in need of a bath, but afraid to spare the water, was just stepping out of the Long Branch………….The pigs collided with her, causing her to fall in the very trough they had been seeking!! Sam heard her screams and came running outside!

Sam: “Miss Kitty!! ” He tried to get her out but the pigs would not budge.

Kitty:” Don’t worry, Sam. (4.) If it don’t seem like it’s worth the effort, it probably ain’t. Hell…. At least I’m finally getting a bath.” Sam threw her a washcloth.

Millie Mercantile saw all of ths from her vantage point in the General Store. The shop owner, Mr. Bert Westover, spoke to her:”Hey! Ain’t those YOUR pigs, Millie?”

Millie: “Yep. They sure are. That dad blammed husband of mine….I swear. He may be good in the sack but he sure can’t keep track of the livestock. (1.) Behind every successful rancher is a wife who works in town, Bert.”

The town council, desperate to find a solution to the water shortage problem, sought the help of U.S.Marshal Matt Dillon.

Matt:”Well, …….. Festus tried his divining rod. ”

Tom Mix, Head councilman:”Oh, that idiot, Festus. All he found was a giant ant hill. And dad-gum-it !! I STILL have some ants in my ants!!”

Matt:”I do have one suggestion. How about if I go out to Indian territory and ask one of the braves to do a raindance for us? ” A few of the men mumbled and grumbled.

Tom:”Marshal, at this point I’d do the dance myself if I thought it would work!!”

Within a few hours Matt found himself approaching a Cherokee hunting party:

http://www.schwarze-voegel-tanzen.de/crowpic/Indians.jpg

Matt muttered to himself….. “(2.) Talk slowly, think quickly.”

Matt: “How?”

One of the braves, Aching CharleyHorse spoke:” How WHAT ? What the heck are you jabbering about?”

Matt explained the situation in town.

One of the other braves, Luke Short-Of-Temper yelled:”OFF WITH HIS HEAD ! OFF WITH HIS HEAD!”

Aching CharleyHorse:” Shut up, Luke.” He turned his attention back to Matt.” Okay. Sure. But here’s the deal. I do this for YOU…….You do something for ME.”

Matt:”Okay…..Shoot Luke. Ooops! Bad choice of expressions….Uh…….What’s your idea of a fair trade?”

Achey CH :” I bring rain to you. You bring buxom redhead woman to Me.”

Matt:”Hmmmmm. You mean Kitty? Sounds fair to me but I’m not so sure she’ll be keen on the plan.”

Aching CH:”No woman…….No rain.”

Matt: Done deal!”

Aching CharlieHorse returned to Dodge with Matt. After explaining to the townsfolk that the Indian was going to produce rain with his ritual dance one of the local cowboys. Bobby Bighat: http://www.irvingart.org/gallery/estinnett/COWBOY.jpg

spoke up:”Marshal Dillon. Whatever it takes, man. I’m so thirsty every time I swallow my stomach says ‘thank you.’ ”

Aching CharlieHorse began the dance. Matt took his leave to locate Kitty and explain her role in this thing. After filling her in on the details , Kitty , in an angry rage threw a spitoon at Matt:

Kitty:” Are you out of your F ing MIND ?! I’m not going to run off with that savage !! God, Matt!

Matt:” Kitty….(5.) Sometimes you get and sometimes you get got. Man! Can’t you be a team player?!”

Kitty:” Get your *** out of here !!”

Worried and a bit wet from the spitoon, Matt returned to Aching CharleyHorse……”How’s it going, my good man?”

Aching CH :” I’m sorry, Marshal. (3.) Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance. …….. and my timing seems to be off, today. I just can’t seem to get that one dance move right!” He expressed his regrets at not being able to help, and got ready to ride out of town. As he mounted his horse, he glanced up at Kitty’s window. ….”Miss Kitty?! Why so angry? I wanted your body…..not your scalp”

Kitty : http://www.flickr.com/photos/jimfrazier/385954796/

Footnote……Rains DID come to Dodge later that week. Aching CharlieHorse tried to claim credit. He and his lawyer are currently preparing for their court case.