A few days ago
Spongy

What do you think of this story? its called wings of war?

Swords clashed as a cannon exploded a building. The Great War will soon take place and wipe out the human race forever. All kinds of people were fighting, elves, unicorns, demons from the underworld, and many other mystical beings in the in the Great War. A great shudder was heard and someone opened their eyes. The war disappeared and a small room with a dresser, and a girl about the age of 14 came into view.

“Wake up Wolfe! Time to go work in the fields!” she said.

“Hold on,” Wolfe yawned, “I want to tell something to Amphi before I go work in the fields.

“Tell what to Amphi?” the 14 year old asked.

“Nothing Val, go ask Ofeo, he always knows my dreams before I tell him.” Wolfe said, rubbing his eyes.

Ofeo was Wolfe’s dragon. He was completely black, except his eyes, which were a soft blue. Ofeo had two special gifts when he was born, knowing which dream his owner had and could predict the future, but it wouldn’t always work.

Wolfe went to Amphi, the man that taught him many things, such as fighting in hand – to – hand combat, with swords, he taught Wolfe how to read, and how to use magic. Amphi was a man in his thirties, Wolfe though that Amphi was one of the wisest men on Earth. He also taught Mikey, Wolfe’s best friend and Valarie those things except for magic.

“Amphi?” Wolfe asked, “Amphi, are you there?”

“Yes Wolfe?” a voice replied.

“I want to tell you something.” said Wolfe.

Wolfe told Amphi about his dream and Amphi replied with, “Yes, very interesting.”

A distant voice called Wolfe and Wolfe said, “Bye Amphi, see you later.”

A slender figure emerged and said, “What did he want?”

“I promised I wouldn’t tell.” Amphi replied.

“I thought you were on our side!” snarled the figure, “Tell me!”

“Mercury, Mercury, Mercury, you’re not going to tell me that you will fly back to Aeron and get yourself killed because you had nothing to tell him?”Amphi said coolly.

“No.” Mercury spat.

“Good, then I’ll tell you.”

Mercury was a wingon. Wingons had a spiked tail that could crush trees. They had a slender body like a snake and could fly as fast as 200 miles. Wingons could weigh over 2,500 pounds, yet they can fly without straining their wings. Their claws could easily tear up the flesh of their prey.

As soon as Amphi finished, Mercury flew off in the sky. Amphi muttered something and food flew in a pot on a stove.

“You’re late Mercury!” Aeron snarled.

“Sorry Aeron, Amphi was slow on telling me things today.”

“Erebos! Chaos!” Aeron called.

“Yes?” they asked in unison.

“I want you two get Amphi for me. He will no longer live in the Village of Octimus. I have plans for him.” Aeron grinned at this.

Wind blew as Valarie and Wolfe in the fields. All of a sudden, Ofeo grabbed the two.

“Ofeo! What are you doing?” Valarie screamed.

“I’m taking you to safety.” Ofeo replied, “I even brought Mikey along, but he has been continuously screaming since I grabbed him.”

Wolfe and Valarie turned around, behind them; they could see Mikey screaming and clinging to one of Ofeo’s horns for his life. Wolfe and Valarie laughed.

“That’s not funny!” Mikey yelled.

They came to a cave and they had fish for dinner that night.

“I’m going to sleep right now. Good night Mikey and Valarie, and Ofeo.” Wolfe yawned.

“Good night little ones,” Ofeo said, “Make sure you clean up before you go to sleep.”

The next morning, Ofeo woke them up and said, “Yesterday, I heard Amphi talk to a wingon,” Ofeo quickly said,” He told the wingon, Mercury, I think was the name told him about the dream Wolfe.”

“Wait. What dream?” Mikey asked.

“The war! Duh! I thought I told you!” Valarie said.

“Oh.” Mikey said back.

“A few hours later, I went back to talk to Amphi, but when I came I stopped and saw another two more wingon! They took him to Aeron, the most feared wingon here!” Ofeo yelled.

After some thought, Wolfe declared, “We have to save Amphi, even f he did tell them on purpose.”

Days later, they came to another cave equipped with swords and shields. The small group went inside and saw Amphi, sitting like a king on his throne beside Aeron and Aeron’s wife, Charity. Something touched Wolfe’s shoulder and he turned around, then he fell to the ground, unconscious. Wolfe woke up tied to Valarie and Mikey.

“I’m going to cut the string and see you scurry like little mice!” Aeron gleefully said.

Aeron lazily threw the knife and it cut the rope, partially cutting Wolfe. He untied Ofeo and pushed him in the middle of the floor.

Three doors opened and three wingons flew out. One trapped Mikey, and another trapped Wolfe. Valarie and Ofeo struggled with the third one. After several minutes, Wolfe killed the one on top of him and Wolfe helped Mikey with his problem. Two minutes after, Valarie and Ofeo killed the second one, and then Mikey and Wolfe killed the last wingon.

“Why do we have to do this Aeron?” asked Charity.

“Why because they are our enemy!” declared Aeron.

Ofeo jumped on Aeron, but missed as Aeron flew effortlessly away from Ofeo. Wolfe immediately ran to Amphi and tried to knock him down. Amphi blew him away with the word leaviate. An invisible ball of air hit Wolfe in the stomach. Wolfe groaned and turned on his back, his stomach hurt badly. Valarie and Mikey tried to help Wolfe, but Amphi blew then away too.

Ofeo killed Aeron with a strong bash against the wall and scratches. Valarie and Mikey were knocked out by the spell. Wolfe ignored the pain and ran right into Amphi and said, “You have always been a great friend to me. Now look at what you have done, I can’t believe you Amphi, you were someone that I thought that I could trust, but I was wrong.” A tear slid down Wolfe’s face and Wolfe put Amphi to sleep with a spell.

“Let’s go home Ofeo and help me get Amphi on your back.” Wolfe said.

Back at the Village of Octimus, Wolfe is back at working in the fields with Valarie. Amphi is back in his home with Mikey watching him. Everyone in the village didn’t know what would have happened if they didn’t kill Aeron.

Top 4 Answers
A few days ago
Anonymous

Favorite Answer

I give you a 3 you spent a lot of time on it but you need to use more descriptive words to get the reader to mentally picture the action. Like the ending part saying Wolfe is back working the fields which “blew like waves in the ocean as the breeze stirred them.”
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A few days ago
melannebags
3.5 because of some grammar issues and some of the choppier paragraphs. Otherwise it was pretty good.

You could definitely fill it out and work on transitions, but I like the plot, the characters, and especially the new creatures.

Good job on the whole writing fantasy thing. Not everyone can do it, but I see that you can. I know I can’t. 🙂

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A few days ago
Jenny
Awesome! So much detail. I really like the story. So sad with the betrayal though. Loved it!
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A few days ago
mistletoe
it is good just that,you made some unpadenably grammatic mistakes. i will give you 91%
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