Raymond was on a losing streak. It had started when he lost his job of 20 years. “Your productivity numbers have been down a long time, Ray,” said his boss apologetically. It hadn’t been a great job, but it was a steady one that paid the bills. He came to work one morning and found another man sitting in his cubicle at the Americo Indemnity and Life Company. The sparse items on his desk had been unceremoniously dumped into a cardboard box. He got a month’s severence pay and a nice escort out the door.

He wasn’t sure how he was going to break it to Alice. But, he didn’t have to. That nosy biddy secretary at the office had already called her. Tight lipped, she glared at him balefully as he walked in the door. “Oh, for God’s sake,” he said between clenched teeth, “say it! Say it! ‘I lost the nest egg.’ Go on, say it!” Alice was seething. Twenty-five years of marriage to this….this….polyester pain in the ***. She badly wanted to tell him off, but all she blurted out was “I hate your suit and I could hurt you!” Then she burst into tears and ran out the door. This morning it had been life as usual. “Now we’re in Hell. We’ve entered Hell. When?” muttered Raymond. It seemed his life had turned upside down in mere minutes.

Things went from bad to worse. The car was repossessed. They were going to lose the house. Alice decided on a plan. She was going to get rid of Raymond once and for all. Years ago, she had taken out a life insurance policy on him when he went to work for Americo. She was sure he had forgotten about it. It was the one bill she had paid faithfully all these years and now she was going to collect – big time.

The credit cards weren’t maxed out yet. They decided to get away for awhile. Alice had almost talked Raymond into a 3 day cruise to Ensenada with a day outing on Catalina Island. How could she do him in? Hah! A small boat, a secret stash of dynamite, one life preserver and the promise of a romantic interlude. That would do it. They’d get out on the water, she’d jump overboard, then trigger the dynamite. He will crash the boat off Catalina Island and he will drown and die and the seals will eat him! she thought gleefully.

But things didn’t turn out that way. They ended up in Vegas instead, both of them gambling on what credit was left on the cards. They both lost badly. They were now $200,000 in debt with no way out. That paltry life insurance policy wasn’t going to do Alice any good now. They left the casino, got in the car and drove. Neither spoke for a long time. After a while, they reached the Hoover Dam. Raymond pulled into the parking lot and they both got out. Ahead of them they could see the metal railing on the dam walkway. “Nice dam, huh?” said Raymond. “Do you want to go first, or should I?” Alice climbed over the railing and jumped.

Later that night after the police had finished taking his statement, Raymond sat alone in the rental car. “I lost a woman! A whole woman!” he said to himself. He knew he should be crying, but he wasn’t. He pulled the rumpled life insurance policy from his pocket and looked at the two million dollar contract. As he drove away he started to laugh – and continued to do so. All the way to the bank.

Look it’s a dam nice dam huh? it’s hard to find a nice dam..where in the hell else would you look for a dam? I think we’re in hell.. somewhere along the way we entered hell.. when? By the way I waited till now to tell you, I hate your suit and I could hurt you and I would hurt you but I think it is going to hurt enough when we jump off this dam.. I know you’re thinking it..so you might as well say it..say it..say I lost the nest egg..go on.. say it.. okay, I lost the nest egg..but when I lost you I lost a woman..a whole woman.. I lost a whole woman..dam and you, you would rather be with Charlie? Five’ll get you ten..that he will crash that boat off Catalina Island and he will drown and die and seals will eat him..and you had rather be with him? Okay none of that matters..not now..we’re in hell and the only way for us to get out of hell is to jump off this dam dam.. now..do you want to go first, or should I? I could go first, but if I do go first are really going to jump or are you going to go running back to Charlie? If jump and die, then I won’t have to worry bout what you do, but If you go first and die then I will wish that I had gone first because I might could have saved you if I went first, but on second thought maybe you should go first..cause if I go first you will be alone and..oh well what the hell..lets do it together, okay..on the count of three.. ready one, two and hey….don’t push..what? you think I nuts? now give me your haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand. Uh.. Hello..this is Gloria.. Charlieeee is that you…uh I’m okay.. oh not much..just standing here looking at this nice dam…you know these cell phones are amazing.. whoops.. aaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyhhhhh sh*t.