She had spotted the ad in last weeks newspaper.

“Bartender/Conversationalist wanted”

Her curiosity had won out and now here she was at the Jumping Jack Flash Lounge serving up drinks and sympathy!

The customers ran the gamut from Geezer to Greaser.

There was a jazzy old philosopher who looked to about 70 but was still going strong! He had introduced himself most formally on her first night at work.

“Good Evening, fair lady, I am John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt….at your service” He was thrilled to death to have met someone he could discuss Descartes with over hot wings and beer!

Another “regular” was an Elvis impersonator who would usually come in rather reserved, but by 3 AM would wind up doing a red hot rendition of Jailhouse Rock to the delight of the other patrons! He had fallen quite in love with the beauteous barmaid Judy and one night became so blasted that he did a version of “Judy’s Turn To Cry” that would have made Leslie Gore turn over in her grave!!

Since life TRULY is strange, this is what ACTUALLY happened:

The enamored Elvis impersonator, although young, talented and handsome did not really capture the imagination of the wordly Judy. Mr Schmidt, on the other hand, although a bit older, completely and utterly swept Judy off her feet with his charm, wit and zest for life!!

Judy Jenkins Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt now lives happily ever after with her youthful husband of 70 on the Isle of Crete, where they continue their discussions of Descartes daily!!

Everyday she tells him “I love you just the way you are” and every night he tells her “with you beside me I can live and love forever!”

At the time Judy was going out with jack. He was a good fellow, average student, but could be pretty foolish at times. Judy figured he was taking their JAZZY OLD PHILOSOPHER a little too serious at times because he would try out some of his theories on other students.

Just before studying for exams many of the students would through a party before buckling down with studying. Judy could tell Jack was up to something but had no idea what. She tried asking him but all he would say was, “don’t worry, it’s only a bit of fun.”

The night of their party all was going well. Judy figured Jack had decided to forget whatever he was going to do. Jacking was drinking with the others but seemed to have it under control. He was hiding it well. An hour later Judy couldn’t find Jack, “Where was he and what was he up to?” Judy asked herself.

She looked all over and if she hadn’t been in the hallway by an open window she wouldn’t have heard the screams. She quickly realized they were coming from the girl’s dorm. She started running towards the screams. Was it finally JUDY’S TURN TO CRY? She loved jack but was fed up with his pranks.

When she arrived there was Jack and two of his friends in the middle of her room that she shared with two to hers. Monica and Bev had just come from the showers and were clutching towels around them while Jack was prancing around in their nightwear, robe and slippers on his hands acting totally foolish. His buddies were in stitches laughing as Judy stood there completely embarrassed. She yelled at Jack, “This is the last straw. We’re through. I can’t take you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE ANYMORE.

Two police officers appeared at the door ready to take Jack to the lock up for a night or two.

“Come on guys,” started Jack. “We’re only having a bit of fun.”

“Never mind,” said the officer, let’s go. You can have your fun somewhere else.” Jack was put in a cell with four others. Just then JOHN JACOB JINGLEHEIMER SCHMIDT appeared saying to Jack “Maybe you’ll learn something in here.” And as quick as that he was gone again.

Jack didn’t seem to care. He sprang up pretending to play a guitar and shouted, “I’m JUMPING JACK FLASH and I’m going to make this JAILHOUSE ROCK.”

Most of the inmates were not impressed.

The next morning all were released except Jack. Maybe he needed more time to think and surprisingly enough he did. It was his first time in jail and now that he was sober he looked around and saw what a dismal place it was. He realized he had lost Judy and wanted her back. His foolish pranks had gone too far and if he was to get anywhere in life he needed to smarten up.

Later when he was released he found out the JAZZY OLD PHILOSOPHER had somehow arranged for Jack to be kept in longer than the others. His time was served well and a few months later Judy and Jack were back together.

It was JUDY’S TURN TO CRY again but this time for happiness because of the change in Jack.

He was one of the lucky ones, well how lucky can you be if you are in jail, but he didn’t end up with a murderer for a roommate, or anything like that. Instead he ended up with another of his own kind- a grand theft auto sort of thing. His name was Jack, but everyone called him Jumping Jack Flash, could steal any car in 45 seconds, was gone in a flash, I’m thinking that they added the ‘Jumping’ part on account of a nervous twitch he had, probably from the drugs, but who knows. Jim had fun with Jumping Jack; sharing stories and thinking up new schemes. But everyone in their was just waisting away, and that didn’t settle well with Jim.

Each day they had an hour recess, and Jim was constantly meeting new people. One day he met a guy named John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, and someone belted out “His name is my name too……………………….No it really is”. Everyone called him Judy because he was the second J.J.J.S. and it was too confusing to keep track. And Judy had something that Jim needed a plan for escape. He was tired of the bars and wanted out. But Judy was kind of losing it, he hadn’t been lucky and did have a murderer for a roommate, so he didn’t sleep much if you get my point.

Each day they met at the Jailhouse Rock, a large rock at the Jailhouse, to discuss their plans. They tried to look as innocent as possible smiling and laughing but all the while finding the weak spots in the fence, picking the best time, and creating a diversion for the gaurds. Then they would flee the border to mexico. Once the plan had been firmly set in place they went to the Jazzy old philosopher to see what he thought. He held high esteem from the inmates becuase of his huge lists of committed crimes and his older age. He pointed out some flaws in the plan, but all in all it was a good plan and everyone was ready.

That night they woke up and Jim and Jumping Jack started a fist fight in their cell, and Judy had intentionally aroused the anger of his murderer cellmate, which was pretty easy to do. When the gaurds came- just three it was easy to knock them out cold and steal thier uniforms, then all three escapees had to work together to knock out Judys cellmate. It was a dirty affair, but as it seemed that order had been restored as there was four people sleeping in the cells attention was drawn off and with id it wasn’t too hard to make it out and only a couple more people were laid out cold. Of course this created a stir in the camara room, but by the time they got on the case it was too late- probably just 45 seconds too late, because once they had a car they had practically dissapeared. when they made it across the border everyone said that it was Judy’s turn to cry tears of joy, becuase this wasn’t his first escape attempt, but Judy was having one of his crazy moments and was dancing down the streets of New Laredo singing ‘just the way you are’ . Hey they were free, what did it matter?

It was JUDY’S TURN TO CRY. Her JAZZY OLD PHILOSOPHER of a professor had had her boyfriend arrested for mooning him. Now poor Jack was down at the new jailhouse site stacking the JAILHOUSE ROCK neatly for the construction workers as his community service. Everyone was laughing and calling him JUMPING JACK FLASH. And, Prof. JOHN JACOB JINGLEHEIMER SCHMIDT, as he so liked to inform everyone, was walking around with a self-satisfied smirk on his face. No one liked him and all called him ‘Prof. Dingleberry’ behind his back.

“That’s JUST THE WAY YOU ARE,” she thought to herself as she made a face at his back. She should moon him herself! Then everyone could call her, ‘Jumping Jacklin Flash’!

Judy continued living her life blissfully unaware of how much of a freak her boyfriend realy was until the day came when the police knocked on her door to let her know that her boyfriend had been institunalised in the local mental health hospital for his bi polar ilness which had gotten out of control due to him not taking his medication.

Judy rang her parents when the police had left to seek comfort and support, but her mom, thinking this was the perfect time to get Judy back, that she surely would come home now was strong, said to her, I am sorry Judy but you deserve beter in your life and you need to get out of that relationship. Judy was heartbroken she needed support not just hearing the same old lines and instead of her parents crying like they had done for the last 3 months IT WAS NOW JUDYS TURN TO CRY as she felt so alone. How on earth had her boyfriend whoms she had thought of as just a JAZZY OLD PHILOSOPHER been hiding his mental ilness from her.

Judy sat and thought long and hard about all of the time they had spent together and wondered how she hadn’t seen it coming when in reality now that she had had the truth about him slapped into her face it was obvious he was unstable. I mean, she thought how many 72 year old men jump out of bed every morning shouting out JUMPING JACK FLASH? Judy had thought it was just because he was extremely happy at waking up with her every morning and that it was his way of making her smile.

Judy dried her tears and went and put one of his favourite songs onto the record player, as he didn’t have a cd player in his house and was still into vinyl. She smiled when she heard the opening tune of his favourite song JAILHOUSE ROCK and went to get herself a beer, a bottle of JOHN JACOB JINGLEHEIMER SCHMIDT’S Doppel Dunkel Hefe-Weizen Bock from the fridge. She took the beer into the living room and thought I will ring the hospital and make an appointment to come in and se you because no matter what anyone says or thinks I love you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.

Thanks for the message telling me about this, I just picked it up.

Find I can’t do anything if I think about what I am going to put so just type whatever comes out so hope it is ok.

Cheers

can you hold this till tomorrow please?