(1) “I am trying to have an ADULT conversation with you”, he said.

She looked at him dumbfounded.

(2)” Oh! For crying out loud !” how could he expect her to be able to carry on a conversation with him of any kind with 3 screaming toddlers in the house?

The sun was setting on another long day in her life and she was feeling unappreciated at that moment. He could see the frustration in her face as the tears started spilling down her cheeks. He took her in his arms and told her to settle down.

After a few more minutes of crying her held her back and told her that she was looking at things from the wrong prospective. She asked what other prospective is there as the children went running through the kitchen yelling at one another. This was all there was to her, morning, noon and night….. 3 screaming toddlers who ran the house. She had lost her grip on the situation and felt like there was no getting it back.

He told her to close her eyes, and she did. He told her to listen to the children not with her ears, but instead with her heart, like she used to when they were infants.

She stood there for a minute and listened with a mothers heart. She opened her eyes and looked at him and said,(3)”Now THAT’S amazing!”

He asked her what she had heard and she told him it sounded like birds in an aviary. He smiled at her just as one of the children fell and skinned her knee and started to scream.

She smiled and said,”(4) Why are those birds singing out of tune?”

He said not to worry, he was taking care of them tonight. He told her to just take a break and get out of the house.

She grabbed her purse and her keys and headed for the door before he changed his mind. She asked him if the movie she had wanted to see was still in the theaters and he said,”(6) As far as I know it is”.

She left in such a hurry that she never even realized that her socks didn’t match, and there were holes in her jeans. As she walked up to purchase her ticket for the show, she saw her own reflection in the window. She thought to herself, “(5) Oh, yeah…… You blend.” Thank goodness I will be in a dark place.

She purchased her ticket, found a seat and soon as the movie started, she dozed off to sleep. The next thing she knew, the security gaurd was waking her and telling her the theater was closing.

As she drove home she thought to herself, “that is the best sleep I have had in three years, I am going to go to the movies more often.”

Rocky was a girl that just didn’t seem to get it. She was perhaps the biggest airhead that I have ever known, and I’ve come in contact with many in my lifetime. Her husband, Tim, was the owner of the dinner I worked at when I was 18 years old. I remember how frustrated he would get when trying to talk to her. It didn’t seem like her mind was capable of staying on one subject for very long, it tended to wander like a stray dog. A co-worker of mine once told me that Rocky frequently lost her train of thought but I say that her train of thought must have derailed on several occasions. I remember in particular the conversation that her and her husband had the first day I began work there.

Rocky: I’ve mixed this batter for the dessert we have on special today but it seems that something is wrong with it. It looks weird, kind of like the time I was helping you mix grout for the bathroom floor, remember, I was like adding water to it and…

Tim: You forgot to put the eggs in!

Rocky: Oh, don’t be silly Tim! You don’t put eggs in grout!

Tim: No the batter, what you were talking about.

Rocky: I was talking about grout but now that you mention it, there does seem to be something wrong with this batter. This was your mother’s recipe and it just never comes out.

Tim: That’s because you don’t know what you’re doing. You need to blend it better.

Rocky: I blended it!

Tim: . Look at that, honey there are big chunks in there.

Rocky: But it’s supposed to be chunky! That’s why it’s called Chunky Chocolate Chip Cookies!

Tim: The chocolate chips are supposed to be chunky, not the batter.

Rocky: How on earth was I supposed to know that!

Tim: Well, you can work on that later; I need to talk to you about the finances. The books don’t make any since.

Right then the coo coo clock on the wall began to call out the hour.

Rocky: She got a stick and poked at the little birds as they popped their heads out of the clock. There must be something wrong with this thing; maybe I put the wrong size batteries in it.

Tim: That’s a coo coo clock; you don’t put batteries in it! You just pull the weights!

Rocky: < Now THAT'S amazing!> And mother always said you were an idiot, why if she only knew how much you know! That just boggles my mind! Why …

Tim: Rocky! and all you do is babble about…

Rocky: Don’t be vulgar! If you want to talk like that you can find one of your buddies to talk to!

Tim; I mean I’m trying to talk to you as one adult to another but I think we are missing an adult.

Rocky: Well, if it bothers you that much I’ll take the batteries out of the clock!

Tim: What I don’t understand is where did you think the place for the batteries were in that clock?

Rocky: Why there are boxes in the side of it. Isn’t that for batteries?

He took a look in side and gowned.

Tim: That is the noise box! That’s the reason the birds sound so crazy.

Hope you like it. 🙂

“I am trying to have an ADULT conversation with you!!” Adele hissed.

“Fine,” Stevens, the janitor, replied. He suddenly turned around, bent over and grabbed his butt cheeks with his hands. “Speak away,” he said, moving his butt to his words.

Adele clenched her fists and had to stifle an urge to plant her pumps right in the crack of his a*s. “Oh for crying out loud!Just please mop the damn puddle off the stage. The kids are going out there in ten minutes and I don’t want them slipping in it.” She stalked off without waiting for a reply. Why in the hell she had ever dated that man in the first place escaped her for the umpteenth time.

She entered the preparation area where fourteen children were diligently struggling into their costumes and whispering excitedly to each other. Opening night of the “I’m a bird, I’m a tree” third grade play was always one of the favorite things on Adele Winters yearly itinerary. Had her life paths been different, she might have been a drama instructor. Or even a playwright. In her mind’s eye she could still see herself in full costume and regalia the one time she had starred in “The King and I” back in high school.

Behind her, three little girls dressed as robins were practicing a chorus of “Watch Me Grow”, the play’s main song. Adele cast her eyes around the room and found Mrs. Carver the music teacher.

“Gia dear? Can you tell me, why are those birds singing out of tune? You’ve been working with them on this for over a month.”

“They’re third graders, Adele. As far as I know, not one of them is ready for Juilliard.” Gia Carver dreaded this night like no other. Her contact with Adele Parker was minimal due to the nature of their jobs, and she wouldn’t have it any other way. But on this one night, she had to tolerate her insufferable demeanor, and Gia had a low threshold for tolerance.

“Oh. I’ve only got minutes left! I have to get dressed!,” Adele tittered off, completely ignorant of the look of scorn on Gia’s face.

“Busy bee, isn’t she?” The voice came from behind Gia but did not startle her. She had been sleeping with Ricky Stevens, the janitor, for over three months now. He was goofy, but he had his uses.

“Yes. But she’s about to get stung. Is everything in place for her little accident?”

“You bet.”

“And the kids won’t be around to witness it?”

“Nope. The Formaldehyde takes about an hour and a half to seep all the way into her blood stream. By then the kids will all be having ice cream at their houses.”

“Good. Now I won’t have to worry about her getting the vice principal position.”

“How do I look?” Adele called from across the staging area. She had zipped herself into a giant boulder costume and quickly dabbed gray paint on her face. As was tradition, Adele Parker was going to be in the play. She was the best boulder that Benedict Elementary school had ever known or ever would know. Tonight, however, the boulder costume was a deadly weapon.

“Now THAT’S amazing!” Gia responded. “You’re a real rock Adele. A chip off the old monolith.”

“This costume smells bad. Almost like something died in here,” Adele made a face. “Oh well. No time left to wash it. Are you sure I look alright?”

“Oh yeah….you blend,” Gia responded, biting the inside of her cheeks to keep from grinning.

“OK…hit the lights! It’s time to start!” Adele Parker, boulder costume and all, waddled to stage right with the children, ready to begin the great entrance.

Indeed, she thought to herself. A playwright, or even a producer if things would have turned out different. Oh well. Live for the moment.

The lights dimmed.

And the show began………