I walked into Tipsy McStumbles to meet this new girl I met online for a drink. I didn’t know what this girl looked like, but she said to look for the girl wearing the bright pink hat and with a pork chop tied around her neck. I looked towards the back of the bar and saw a bright glow coming from the corner and realized that I found her and yes indeed she was wearing that pork chop. I really didn’t want to meet this woman, but after hearing about that pork chop I thought my dog Sunshine would really take a liking to her and trust me after seeing it, if Sunshine ever met this woman, she would FREAK OUT!!

I made my way past a couple of girls sitting at the bar which I obviously eyed heavily. Expecting some kind of positive reaction to my obvious interest in them, I was sorely disappointed to only hear, “Please let me know when that moron leaves the premises.” Dispite hearing this I kept my spirits up and continued to the back of the bar with the lady in the pink hat.

I sat down at the table with the lady in the pink hat and opened the conversation confidently with a “How are things going with yourself and by the way you look wonderful. In speaking to you online I realize your attention span only lasts 10 seconds, so I want to get you opinion on what we should order to start, maybe donuts and tea?

The lady seemed taken aback and my percieved frankness. “I can’t beleive you would be so abrupt as to ask me if I like you within the first 10 seconds of meeting you.”

It took me a second to realize what she was talking about and then it struck me. “I said, donuts and tea….NOT, do you like me !

This bad start was a major turn off for me so I started to panic, trying to find some way to get out of this place. I thought to myself, “What can I tell this woman to make her want to leave, I got it.”…..”You know, you are nice and all and the pork chop is great, but the only problem is….you KIND of look like Hitler.”

This woman flipped out on me, ranting and raving. You know I am not one for this kind of confrontation and in actuallity really try to avoid it—–In the vent of an emergency, I would appreciate being left out of the loop!—-If you know what I mean. But this woman was not having any of that. She spent the next 60 seconds calling me everything in the book. At this point I realized that this girl had officially checked out. Not only was she going off on me, but she was still wearing that pork chop. She finally got up from the table and pushed by me on the way to the door. When she got by me I saw that she left the book she was reading behind, “The Mother Ship of USELESSNESS is lurking nearby”, probably some kind of spiritual/occult type book. At any rate I yelled as she was appraoching the door, hey you forgot your book and then lightly tossed it to her, which she promptly returned to me via air freight. The last thing I remember before waking up on the floor was the feeling of the book spine craking me between the eyes.

Words of Wisdom, don’t ever date a girl with a pork chop around her neck, and don’t ever, ever tell her she looks like Hitler.

The only problem is….. You KIND of look like Hitler, and it’s not good, so remove your moustache.

and by the way last night sunshine said, “donuts and tea….NOT, do you like me!”

Believe me, If Sunshine ever met you again, she would FREAK OUT!!

and I also realized your attention span only lasts 10 seconds.

and it’s really annoying me that i want to kick your *** right now.

so, In the event of an emergency, I would appreciate being left out of the loop!

*and i kicked his *** and he went to the moon*

a message to readers: Please let me know when that moron of a brother that i have leaves the premises, cuz my step-mothership of great uselessness is lurking nearby and if she catch me yahooing instead of cleaning the garage, i’d get my *** whooped and be in the moon with hitler in no time.

“The only problem is….. You KIND of look like Hitler.” the lion said to the monkey.

“I said, donuts and tea….NOT, do you like me ! And If Sunshine ever met you, she would FREAK OUT!!” replied the monkey with a sneer.

“I realize your attention span only lasts 10 seconds. So In the event of an emergency, I would appreciate being left out of the loop!” the lion retorted angrily

“Please let me know when that moron leaves the premises.” whispered the monkey to a near-by giraffe as he walked away. “The Mother Ship of USELESSNESS is lurking nearby.”

a daunting scene surpassed off on Saturday final in our borough . A using mower took off at a speed of 60 mph with the stable burgher aboard.” i think of this could be slightly a sticky wicket, my stable guy.” I intoned as I watched from at the back of certainly one of my rose timber. “somebody call Scotland backyard!” in the midst of the chaos, a scream might desire to be heard” and above that, the roar of arriving constables.”it is poor! I yelled from the bush. “purely the data maam” The stoic officer responded. The Queen has made her decision. we’ve a sniper right here to take out the mower. The shot and then the dying rattle of the mower. The undesirable guy stumbled from the wood babbling “i think of my parent angel may well be slightly deranged. Ahhhhhh…..entire quiet…at last!!