Dodge City, Kansas

Circa 1873

“Hee Haw and Hallelujah’

Miss Kitty was at Doc Adams’ office, getting her yearly check -up.

Kitty:”So? Did you get my test results back? Am I fit as a fiddle?” She began to fasten her bodice.

Doc:”Kitty……. I want you to sit down.”

Kitty:”Christ!” She got out her hanky.

Doc:”Come on, now….(1)Big girls don’t cry.”

Kitty:”What’s the bad news, Doc?!” Just then, U.S.Marshal Matt Dillon , her former boyfriend, walked in.

Kitty grabbed his hand and listened to what Doc had to say.

Doc:”There’s good and bad news……(4) Diamonds and rust, so to speak.”

Kitty:”Tell me one of the ‘diamonds.”

Doc:” Your eyesight and hearing are superb!” Matt smiled and squeezed her hand.

Kitty:” The ‘rust?”

Doc put his hand on her trembling shoulder…..”Kitty, your liver is in bad shape.” He rubbed his face….”Bad shape.”

Kitty:”How bad?”

Doc:” (2) If the devil went down to Georgia with this liver, he wouldn’t last a week.”

Kitty:”What the hell does THAT mean?”

Doc:”Just a little medical jargon I picked up when I did my internship at the St. Louis Morgue.”

Kitty stood up….”I need a drink!!”

Doc:”That is EXACTLY what you DON’T need!! Matt ! Stop her!”

Matt:”Kitty!!! You heard Doc! Are you going to listen to reason?!”

Kitty:”BLAH! BLAH! BLAH!” She left the office in a huff!

Doc turned his attention to Matt…..”Well, what are YOU doing here? Been shot, lately?”

Matt smiled……. “Doc. (6) Believe it or not (I’m walking on air).Never, EVER felt better!”

Doc chuckled…… “Due in major part to Sunshine MacGillicutty, no doubt .” (Matt’s new girlfriend.) “All that sex will either kill you or give you another 30 to 40 years, Matt!”

Matt smiled broadly……. ” Doc? My little gal has the libido

of a Texas Longhorn. God **** it….It’s wonderful!! Every time she looks at me with those (3) Pretty little angel eyes I’m ready to get back in the old saddle……*cough* *cough*…If you know what I mean.”

Doc:”Okay.Get up on the table, buckaroo. Let’s take a listen to your ticker.”

After a thorough exam, Doc concluded that Matt was in the best condition of his life.

Doc:”And you say….Morning ,noon AND night?!”

Matt buckled his pants and headed for the door……..” Except on Sundays. Sunshine is a strict Baptist.” He laughed at his own joke.

Doc:”Why? What happens on Sundays?”

Matt:” Remember all that commotion up in the balcony last week?” He smiled.

Doc:That was YOU TWO??”

Matt:” Hallelujah!!!”

Doc:” Hmmmm! Well you’ve sure as hell given me (5) Something to believe in!! ”

Matt left the office and met up with Sunshine who had just ridden into town..

Doc looked out his window and saw the two of them holding hands and giggling . All at once they ran over to Matt’s office. Doc watched as the curtains were drawn.

He knew that for the next couple of hours, Dodge would be a town without a lawman!”

Believe it or not (I’m walking on air), I met what I thought was the greatest guy a few months ago. Despite his devilish grin, he had pretty little angel eyes that were just too much for me to handle and I was totally smitten. He proposed to me after only two months together, which you would think would be quite exciting…but the ring looked like fake diamonds and rust to me. I left for Georgia, hoping to find some solitude to think this over, and the devil went down to Georgia in hot pursuit. Talk about coming on strong! I needed to find something to believe in, because I didn’t think I could trust this guy. I ended up breaking things off, and even though I was very disappointed with how it all turned out, I remembered what my mother used to tell me – big girls don’t cry. So I didn’t. I came back to Texas and continued my search for “the one.” I’m still searching, but happy to leave that guy and my past in Georgia!

Believe it or not (I’m waling on air) right now because I heard the devil went down to Georgia looking for something to believe in. More than just diamonds and rust and all he found were pretty little angel eyes. When I went home to tell Momma, I broke down and cried. That’s when she told me “Oh honey, big girls don’t cry.”

One day the devil went down to Georgia. But after hanging out there with all the women with the pretty little angel eyes, he decided that California is NOT the place to go for the hottest women in the world. Georgia gave the devil something to believe it. Us Georgia girls will rock your world regardless if you have diamonds or rust in your pockets. And if you think loving us and leaving us will hurt us, well think again cause big girls don’t cry. They just move on to something bigger, faster, better, stronger. Hey, I know from experience. Believe it or not (I’m walking on air), thanks to Pork Chop!! He can make me walk on air anytime!!!!

Walking on Air

It was a hot day up at my middle school in New York City. I walked in, only to see the HOTTEST guy ever! I was to shy to go ask his name. For weeks, me and my friends only knew him as “the devil”, because of his devilish grin. The most popular girl at school, Georgia, liked him too. Well, the devil went down to Georgia and said “I like u 2.” I wanted to sob in the bathroom, but I remembered what my mama told me – big girls don’t cry. Well, after a few weeks, they broke up. That gave me Something to believe in! One day he came up to me and said, “You know..I’ve been searching for the perfect girl amid this diamonds and rust. But when I saw you’re pretty little angel eyes, I knew you were the one.” “I like you, too!” I shrieked. “Believe it or not..I’m walking on air!”

the devil went down to georgia searching for a pair of pretty little angel eyes amid diamonds and rust. believe it or not he found something to believe in; although most big girls don’t cry, he knew he could coerce them.