Dodge City, Kansas

Circa 1876

Billy Jolinski was alone in the Long Branch Saloon, It was too early for the evening crowd, too late for the midday crowd. Billy was Miss Kitty’s piano player. He was far too talented to be playing in a saloon, but times were tough and it did provide a steady income and exposure. His dream was to be discovered by a musical entrepreneur and taken to the “big time.” So far, the only compliments his music had solicited were from half drunk prostitutes and completely drunk cowboys!! He took another sip of his beer and played the opening chords to “Allentown,” his latest compostition. Miss Kitty came out of her office and stopped to listen. She walked over to Billy.

Kitty:” Billy? (4) Don’t Forget to Remember Me when you get discovered!!!”

Billy smiled…..”Awwww, Miss Kitty. I’m getting plum discouraged. Sometimes I just want to quit and (5) Speed Home ……….. California is a long way off, though.”

Kitty:” Go HOME?! No,no, no, my good man. If ONLY I knew the right people. None of my (7) Friends in Low Places have any ‘pull.’ I’ll tell you one thing, though …….. If (2) All U Wanted was a good time, Billy Boy, everyone of my ‘girls’ would be only too happy to oblige.” Billy shrugged and continued plinking the ivories.

That night as cowpokes drifted in, Kitty surveyed the crowd. She spotted an old man, stranger to Dodge, leaning against the bar. Kitty looked at him and smiled . He walked over to her….”Pardon me, “My little kumquat.” (6) Do You Know the Way to San Jose?”

Kitty:”Oh, my God!! I wish I had a dime for every time I’ve been asked that!! ( It was THE pick-up line of the 1870’s!!)

The man: “My dear lady, I’m feeling desperately alone. …alone in an angry sea.”

Kitty rolled her eyes……. “Here, let me get you a lifejacket!” She started to walk off.

The Man:” I’m sure you know (3) How to Save a Life all by yourself.” He put his arm around her…..” Won’t you be my (5) Bridge Over Troubled Water ?”

Kitty disentangled herself from his grasp and walked away.

The man stumbled over to Billy , at the piano and said:

“Son can you play me a memory? I’m not really sure how it goes, but it’s sad and it sweet and I knew it complete when I were a younger man’s clothes.”

Billy just looked up at him and said:

“Sir, I believe this is killing me,” as the smile ran away from his face.

“Well I’m sure that I could be famous if I could only get out of this place.”

Oh, my poor little kumquat! You came all the way from Allentown, because All You Wanted to do is learn How to Save a Life from Friends in Low Places, and all you got was a Bridge Over Troubled Water! Don’t fret, my little kumquat; Do You Know the Way to San Jose, to the place where You Don’t Forget to Remember Me, and Speed Home California is the place to be?

Not a story, as such, just a statement from a guy to a lover/ex-lover:-

“My little kumquat, all you wanted was to be one of my friends in low places, like the guys in Allentown.

But if you want to know how to save a life, then tell me – do you know the way to San Jose? If you do, I’ll set off in my motorised speed home – ‘California’ – straight away.

If you don’t, I may end up taking that bridge over troubled water I’ve heard about in Minnesota – then you’ll really miss me. And , every anniversary, my spirit will come checking to make sure you don’t forget to remember me!!”

All you wanted is to forget your friends in low places. you ask me do you know the way to San Jose? I wanted to help you my little kumquat, but you know I’m in Allentown right now. The bridge over troubled waters in our past haunts us. Now please speed home California they need you so. All I ask is Don’t forget to remember me!

I remember when you first came to learn nursing at Allentown hospital, all you wanted, my little kumquat, was to know how to save a life. But as you speed home to California, don’t forget to remember me, one of your dearest friends in low places, the one you stopped only to ask “Do you know the way to San Jose” to make sure you could find your way home. So I sit in my boat as the storm approaches playing cards with my friends, a round of bridge over troubled waters, reminiscing about you, my little kumquat, named for the jam you used to serve me for our late breakfasts in bed. You never once stopped to say those three little words to me I longed to hear. And now all I have of you is the mix tape you left behind with 7 songs on it.