Dodge City, Kansas

Circa 1873

“The Philosophers of Dodge”

Doc Adams was giving Festus Haggen an ear examination.

Doc: ” YOu know, Festus …… (1.) He who engages solely in self-interested actions will make himself many enemies.”

Festus:”What in the tarnation are you jabbering about, Doc?!”

Doc:”I’d try to explain it to you, but I don’t think I have the energy!”

Festus:”Well try me, you old scutter!”

Doc pretended to be talking. He moved his lips but didn’t say a word.

Festus:”WHAT? I CAIN’T HEAR YOU!! AM I GOING DEAF? ” He shook his head and strained to hear Doc’s voice.

Doc started laughing….”Just pulling your leg. Alright, then…..

Simply put….Start thinking of others once in a while.”

Festus scowled….. ” I DO think about others, you nasty buzzard! Why jest this morning…..Oh, never mind. ” He stopped talking, raised his chin and adopted an aristocratic air……. “(6.)”Not to alter one’s faults is to be faulty indeed. And you sit up here in your tower….. Fawlty Towers, Doc. Fawlty Towers.”

Doc:”What the HELL?!”

Festus cackled, did an about-face and walked away, leaving Doc scratching his head.

CUT TO COMMERCIAL

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SB0d0COybJ0

Preacher Proffit thought it was time to spread “the good news” to the patrons in the Long Branch. He walked in, grimaced, and stood in the middle of the floor.

“Ahem. My friends……… My fellow citizens of Dodge City.

I implore you. Stop your wicked ways. Try to better yourselves. (2.) “When strict with ones self one rarely fails. Have a little self-contol!

(3.) Excellence does not remain alone; it is sure to attract neighbors.” All the cowboys listened, mouths agape.

He walked over to Miss Kitty……”Would you not agree with me?”

Kitty:” Huh?”

Preacher Proffit: “Oh, surely a woman of your intellect knows that (4.) “If an urn lacks the characteristics of an urn, how can we then call it an urn”.

Kitty:”Huh?”

Preacher Proffit started getting angry…. “An urn! An urn!!”

Kitty:” There isn’t anything wrong with my urn….And by the way,you evangelistic numbskull….It’s callled a SPITOON !!”

Meanwhile, Matt Dillon was checking on the progress that Newly was having, regarding the painting of the outhouse…….

Newly:” Do you like it, Marshal Dillon? Do ya? Do Ya?”

Matt put his hand on Newly’s shoulder as a teacher would on the shoulder of a pupil…….” Newly, my dear fellow…..

(5.) If everyone dislikes it, it must be looked into. If everyone likes it, it must be looked into.”

Newly looked puzzled. Matt smiled….”You’re doing fine, Newly… Just fine.”

CUT TO COMMERCIAL

Kitty was talking with Matt when, in a cloud of dust, Sunshine MacGillicutty came riding into town.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/artfulriding/268845557/

Kitty:”OMG!! The Hillbilly From Hell has now taken to riding with the flag!!! YOU IDIOT !! Why are you doing that??!!”

Sunshine dismounted, spit out her gum, kissed Matt passionately, and stood in front of her……. “Miss Kitty…… I believe in this great country of ours. I believe that one of the reasons it is so great is because it runs on a system.

(7.) “Man can make System great; it isn’t System which makes man great.” Kitty looked dumb-founded. “Ask not what your country can do for YOU, redhead!! Ask what YOU can do for your countty……. CAPICE??!!”

Matt scooped her up and threw her over his shoulder……

“My God , SunnyMac, when you talk like that, it makes me wanna ……… Grab a little shut eye ……….. wink,wink,nudge,nudge, If you know what I mean!”

Sunshine shreiked in delight as Matt ran into his office with her.

Kitty stood in the middle of the street shaking her head…….

“What the HELL is going on today?! Has EVERYONE lost their mind?!”

Laughter and moaning could be heard from Matt’s office.

Kitty:”That’s it ! SAM !!!!!! POUR ME A TALL ONE !!!!!!”

Speaker a million: ok… hi infants! welcome to military -military Camp as we communicate is the army-military interest!! *applauds* So… permit’s initiate! *telephone rings* hi? er.. sorry. NO! superb. ok ok. i won’t be able to communicate NOW. Im busy! Shoo! Speaker 2: the interest is commencing up! The mic is infront of ur face! subsequently……………… SHHH !!!! Speaker1: Ive stopped already, supply up the bugging. Speaker 2: superb. Speaker a million: So, who do u think of will win? Speaker 2: military!!! Speaker a million: NO way! you ought to GET therapy! those infants won’t in any respect win! its continually the army that has won and that they are gonna try this when back! Speaker 2: Yea, thats on condition that they are upon a penalty of dying. Speaker1: So then they wont ever win, reason they’re gonna be lifeless. *evil snigger* Speaker2: Wtfffff… What are you gonna do? Speaker1: Ahh.. no longer something *smiles* Now bypass get that peanut butter and jellly sandwich! Speaker 2: AYE, AYE SIR. Speaker1: thank you. Speaker 2 comes back with the sandwich: OMG… in user-friendly terms one MINUTE to bypass ! Why dint you call me in the previous? I neglected the full darn factor! Speaker1: nicely.. military is winning back! HAH! Speaker 2: nicely, you will see. They wont this time. Im having a guess. Speaker1: Riiiite. Speaker 2 without notice geese under the seat Speaker a million: Wtf are u doing?! ARE YOU attempting to offer ME A heart attack?! You dropped the final little bit of my sandwich. thank you very a lot! :S Speaker2: Sorry. Wait a 2d, military won!!! AHAHHAHAHAHAHAH. YOu OWE ME! Speaker1: i do no longer owe u something! different than this punch! *punches speaker2* Speaker 2 punches him back, quickly human beings carry at the same time around, different initiate scuffling with too. All hell broke unfastened. Speaker2: *final breath* bypass military! BEAT military!!! YAY! so long everyone……. And thats the tip of my very retarted tale. =)

I’ve got another phrase to add to that:

DO YOUR OWN HOMEWORK.

It may not be said by Confucius, but it sure is important.

Yes I can

and you should try.