“Officer! Officer!” yelled Sally Smitherington-Flowerbutt. Officer Passion-spork turned around and sighed wearily. “What is it now, woman? In case your’e wondering, that frisbee wasn’t actually a UFO.”

“oh. it wasn’t? oh.that’s such a relief. well, there’s a girl up the road talking to a giant cockroach the size of her foot. she was accusing it of stealing her satellite dish. after a bit more yelling, she brandished a samurai sword and tried to vivisect it!”

“i see. Uh huh…. was that BEFORE or AFTER the Cockroach From Hell jumped on her head?”

“after! omigod, how’d you know?”

“yes, alright, i have a few connections. I know a very good exterminator that also has a psychoanalyst service.”

“I don’t give a rat’s *** if you know the Queen of England, herself! i want you to go over there and giver her a stern talking to! she is totally consorting with the wrong type of people! she isn’t even consorting with PEOPLE!” sally shuddered. “adolescents these days. listening to that infernal racket they call music. dressed like the devil’s consorts. whatever happened to courtesy and the good ol’ days when children were to be seen and not heard? ahh… those days. corsets! cummerbunds! when women were looked upon as weak and silly!” sally drooled, a dreamy expression on her face.

officer passion-spork waited for sally to say, “But I’m just a little doodly do.” sadly, she didn’t.

the officer was also very prone to angry outbursts. “you stupid old bat! hypocrite! sniveling about ‘oh! poor old me! what happened to courtesy!’ when you’re saying ‘i don’t give a rat’s a*s…’!”

sally turned livid. suddenly her face returned to its normal color and she sighed. “never mind. it’s really nothing. It’s a moo point … like a cows opinion It doesn’t matter … it’s moo.” she laughed weakly. “but that was none of my business.”

passion-spork looked very confused.

sally replied, “You may be confused since you were basically raised by wolves.”

the officer looked angry again, and opened his mouth to insult her.

“i have a mental disorder.”

“Where did you graduate again?…. The University of Duuhhhh?”

sally looked as if she was being ripped apart by wolves.

passion-spork replied, “i have a mental disorder too. apparently, i’m prone to angry outbursts and sarcasm.”

“oh. well.” sally looked hopeful.

the girl who was trying to slash up the cockroach suddenly intercepted. “Hey! Isn’t anyone going to put me back into line? God! What are you doing? Can’t you let them have some privacy? You always ruin everything! well, i’m real sorry ’bout that, sir, ma’am. i guess i’d better go back to my attempted vivisecting. Yes, that’s a good piece of advice. Will you stop that? You’re making me look like i have a mental disorder!”

sally looked back at passion-spork. “and to think i used to feel so ALONE!”

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oh my god.

this is so stupid.