Dodge City, Kansas

Circa 1876

“Now Miss Sunshine…..(1) I’m only trying to turn you into a lady. THIS is what you should be wearing.” The dressmaker held up a frilly, long gown, trying to shame Sunshine MacGillicutty into buying it. She just smiled and shook her head.

Sunshine: “I am not defined by my clothes, you silly goose.”

She stuck a wad of gum in her mouth and waved goodbye. Sunshine had several dresses…… As well as several pairs of jeans ….And let us not forget….Her infamous yellow bloomers that she enjoyed wearing as she rode her horse, Pickett’s Charge ! She not only HAD character. She WAS a character!

Sunshine was looking for Matt Dillon; U.S.Marshal who just happened to be her boyfriend. She peeked into the Long Branch Saloon and saw Festus Haggen and Doc Adams playing a game of checkers. The saloon was owned by Matt’s former girlfriend, Miss Kitty Russell. Sunshine threw caution to the wind, and strolled in…….. “Hi,guys.”

Doc turned around to greet her, but not before he said to Festus………” (2) Pretty much touch anything, and you get your head chopped off !!”

Sunshine laughed as she leaned down and gave them both a little peck on the cheek.

Festus:”Miss Sunshine”~~~~~~~ and then………”Doc! You old scutter !! (3) I suppose you think I’m a greedy, unscrupulous sell-out who’ll do just about anything for money?”

Doc thought for a moment…..” Well put. ”

Sunshine laughed out loud ….. “God!! I just LOVE you two!!”

Festus:” Well!!! You gonna play checkers or what?!”

Doc started to reach in his pocket. He pulled something out, but Festus couldn’t see what it was.

Festus:”Well !!…..Hey! What’s that?”

Doc :”(4) It’s a clock, it ticks, it tells the time. I need to get back to work.” He got up, rubbed his face as always, and smiled…..”Come on, Sunshine. I’ll walk you out.”

As they stepped outside, a strong whiff of something burning filled the air.

Sunshine:”(5) What’s that smell?”

Doc just laughed as he put his arm through her’s……. “That? Oh, that’s just Festus ….. He’s so angry with me I think his brains are on fire……Don’t worry……. It’ll be a VERY small fire.”

Sunshine laughed all the way down Front Street.

i can try…

in a castle far away a prince met a sweet young lady. she was tired and her eyes were half closed. her whole life all she had done was work. the gentleman spoke, his voice soft “what is your name, madam?” “Karlie,” her words came out quickly, her head down. he reached for her waist, pulling at her skirt gently. “excuse me, what do you think you are doing?” “i’m only trying to turn you into a lady.” “what?” “you look like a mess, a beautiful mess but a mess.” “well thats great to know. aren’t you a sweetheart” she sat dow slowly, laying back and closing her eyes. no sooner did she do that than there was a loud crash. “what’d you break!?” “some lamp” “pretty much touch anything and get your head chopped off” “go back to sleep, Cinderella” “it’s Karlie” “close enough” about an hour later she was dozed off. he watched as she slept peacefully. as she awoke she saw him with a small golden clock. “what on earth is that?” “it’s a clock, it ticks, it tells time” “yes i realize that, but why gold?” “i am obsessed with gold. only richer people can afford it” she stared at him dumbfounded, as he spoke now, his voice sounded awkward and clumsy. “i suppose you think I’m a greedy, unscrupulous sell-out who’ll do just about anything for money?” “no, of course not” “i sold my sister once, still hasn’t forgave me” “what? how?” “needed a new car. all the guy asked for was my sister. i traded. went back when the car stalled or i’d still have that and no sister” “well thats nice” “here wait i’ll show you the place” they both got up and he slowly lead her. once they got there, she gagged. “what’s that smell?” “terrible oder isn’t it? pure sulfur” “i think i’m going to puke” “wait until later” he showed her the car, it was a bit beat up. “want to grab a beer?” “sure, which bar” “the one in my bedroom” 9 months later a mix between Karlie and the prince came out and was the new prince, the end.

I liked the game, when I was younger, but she always drowned on me….sigh

i can attempt… in a citadel a techniques away a prince met a candy youthful lady. she replaced into drained and her eyes have been 0.5 closed. her entire existence all she had achieved replaced into artwork. the gentleman spoke, his voice comfortable “what’s your call, madam?” “Karlie,” her words got here out immediately, her head down. he reached for her waist, pulling at her skirt gently. “excuse me, what do you think of you’re doing?” “i’m in simple terms attempting to tutor you right into a girl.” “what?” “you appear to be a large number, a eye-catching mess yet a large number.” “nicely thats super to nicely known. are not you a sweetheart” she sat dow slowly, laying back and shutting her eyes. no quicker did she try this than there replaced right into a noisy crash. “what’d you ruin!?” “some lamp” “somewhat plenty touch something and get your head chopped off” “bypass back to sleep, Cinderella” “it is Karlie” “close adequate” approximately an hour later she replaced into dozed off. he watched as she slept peacefully. as she woke up she observed him with a small golden clock. “what on earth is that?” “that’s a clock, it ticks, it tells time” “definite i understand that, yet why gold?” “i’m smitten by gold. in simple terms richer people could have adequate money it” she stared at him dumbfounded, as he spoke now, his voice sounded awkward and clumsy. “i assume you think of i’m a grasping, unscrupulous sell-out who’ll do in simple terms approximately something for money?” “no, of direction not” “i bought my sister as quickly as, nonetheless hasn’t forgave me” “what? how?” “mandatory a clean motor vehicle. each and every of the guy asked for replaced into my sister. i traded. went back while the motor vehicle stalled or i might nonetheless have that and no sister” “nicely thats beneficial” “right here wait i’m going to tutor you the area” they the two have been given up and he slowly lead her. while they have been given there, she gagged. “what’s that scent?” “undesirable oder isn’t it? organic sulfur” “i think of i will puke” “wait till later” he confirmed her the motor vehicle, it replaced right into somewhat beat up. “choose to snatch a lager?” “beneficial, which bar” “the single in my mattress room” 9 months later a mix between Karlie and the prince got here out and replaced into the recent prince, the top.

What’s that smell? The old lady asked, stepping into her granddaughter’s bedroom the morning after the prom. Flicking the light switch, the absolute astounding mess that greeted her eyes nearly sent her to heaven early. “GOOD LORD ERIN!” the lady shouted, mouth agape at the mixture of clothes, half filled mixer bottles and the stench of cigarettes butted out in the carpet.

“Oooooooh, my head,” came a muffled moan from the direction of the bed.

The old woman walked over to the bed and threw back the bed clothes and gasped when she saw the outline of not just her granddaughter, but a girl and a boy who she recognized as Erin’s best friend and boyfriend, head cheerleader and captain of the football team respectively.

“What did we doooooo?” Erin said in disbelief and alcohol induced fogginess.

“GET OUT BOTH OF YOU,” shrieked Erin’s grandmother, grabbing the two half naked intruders and leading them to the door, while they tried to grab at the items of clothing they believed belonged to them.

“Talk later ok ho,” said Dina, Erin’s bff.

“Catcha sugar,” said Erin’s boyfriend Cory.

“AND YOU,” Grandma yelled after slamming the door shut, “What the HELL do you think you’re doing, boozing around like this, shaming the esteemed name of Leane Vineyards?”

“Fu*ck off grandma,” Erin said defensively, “I don’t care about your crappy winery and I can do what I want.”

“DO WHAT YOU WANT, YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE SETTING AN EXAMPLE, we are the creators of the regions most pristine vintages, if the tabloids get a hold of pictures of you gallivanting about the countryside sharing your bed with boys and girls alike, I wouldn’t want to think what they would say about me and your grandfather,” Grandma replied incredulously

“You don’t get it do you, you’re an old has been who hasn’t gotten any in ages, live a little you bag whore, go get some instead of worrying about your precious orchid,” Erin furiously retorted.

“I suppose you think I’m a greedy, unscrupulous sell-out who’ll do just about anything for money?” Grandma replied with a lighter note to her voice, “I’m only trying to turn you into a lady,” she finished kindly.

“I don’t want to be a lady, I just want to get with whoever I want and if some people want to call me a whore than that’s there problem not mine,” said Erin with a sigh.

Erin’s Grandma spun on the spot, disgusted at what had become of her family, not returning until the closing hours of light, when she became worried that her granddaughter may have swallowed her own tongue.

“Erin… Erin are you all right,” Grandma asked tentatively. She was only answered by an object hurtled at great speed towards her face, it collided with the left side of her face, smashed her false teeth, and clattered wailing to the floor.

“WHAT VA HELL WAS VAT?” shrieked Grandma, clutching her throbbing face, fuming with anger.

“It’s a clock, it ticks, it tells the time,” replied Erin, grimacing, “and me thinks it’s time for you to fu*ck off outta my room.”

Erin’s Grandma picked up the tin Mickey Mouse alarm clock she had given her granddaughter for her 5th birthday and walked out the room with a tear in her eye, wondering where the beautiful little girl that had loved visiting Florida in the summer from her home country of Australia. Upon seeing the irreparable damage to the cute little tin clock which cleverly used Mickey’s arms as hands, and his ears as the bells, she cast it into the trash can, her mind made up about what she was about to do.

The next morning, after sleeping for 36 hours straight, Erin stumbled downstairs into the mansions vast living room, making her way into the contemporary and stylish kitchen, which had been seen several times on the Celebrity Chef tv show.

“What up ****ga?” Erin said, greeting her grandfather who was busy behind the morning newspaper. Erin poured herself a mug of coffee, which she demanded her grandparents import from the high mountains of Peru.

“Erin I want to speak with you,” Grandma said, entering the room and placing her gardening gloves on the counter. “We can’t keep…

“Later,” interrupted Erin, me and Dina are goin to the mall, can I have three hundred dollars, I already used last weeks allowance.”

“But… but,” stammered Grandma flabbergasted, “your supposed to be going to Miami Dade, you’ve got a full schedule today, and no I won’t give you any more allowance, $500 a week is quite enough young lady.”

“Oh yea, I kinda forgot to tell ya, I got expelled from Dade because me and Cory put hard core porn in one of the projectors and this old coot played it for the entire lecture without noticing.”

“WHAAAAT,” bellowed Grandma.

“It was nearly 6 months ago now, you’re pretty slow on the uptake aren’t ya, ya old bat,” Erin sniggered.

“THAT IS IT!” roared Grandma, “I’VE HAD IT, WE HAVE GIVEN YOU EVERYTHING YOU COULD EVER WANT, I AM NOT STANDING FOR THIS ANY FURTHER, I AM DONATING YOUR TRUST TO CHARITY AND YOU CAN GO BACK AND LIVE IN AUSTRALIA AND EARN LIVING YOUR OWN WAY.”

Erin’s face went cold and steely as the mug she was holding exploded on the slate tiles… “what did you just say,” she breathed.

“YOUR OUT OF MY HOUSE MISSY, AND I MEAN IT THIS TIME, I’M RINGING YOUR PARENTS RIGHT NOW,” Grandma yelled, lifting up the receiver of the phone, all the while Grandpa was still huddled behind his newspaper.

It all happened at once, Erin swiftly moved over to the phone and ripped it from its bearings on the wall, swung it around and smashed it across her grandma’s face, shattering her cheek bone and sending her cascading to the floor. Grandpa jumped up, shocked at the vicious attack and began hurrying to the pool deck, seeking his cell phone he left on the side of the Jacuzzi. The run stirred up his heart, he had forgotten to take his tablet that morning and at once he knew this was the start of a massive attack. He grabbed onto a lounge chair for support and turned, imploringly to his granddaughter who had pursued him to the pool deck.

“Erin… you gotta… call an… ambulance… it’s me… ticker… it’s bad this time….” He begged.

A cracked grin appeared on Erin’s face, and in no time she had rolled her grandfather through the air into the glistening pool, he struggled for a few seconds and then floated ominously face down, twitching every so often. “Natural causes,” quipped Erin to her own mind.

“MERL…. MERL… shouted Grandma from her kitchen floor position, “are you all right Merl?”

“Grandpa just went for a little swim,” Erin said sarcastically, choosing the sharpest, longest knife from the block, “Pretty much touch anything, and you get your head chopped off,” she grinned, swinging the knife towards her grandma’s neck.

The End