John, The local soda fountain jerk called the police department and asked them to send Sargent Goodheart, to the Soda Shop as soon as possible.John was concerned about a small boy who had come into the shop. The little boy’s name was Jeff. Jeff had told John, that he was through with school and it was time for him to get out and join the circus. John hadn’t a clue what to say to the boy,he hadn’t had a lot of experience with kids. John knew that if anybody could help this little feller, it would be Sarge Goodheart.

Just minutes after the call was made, in strolled Sarge Goodheart, and took the stool right next to Jeff, never letting on about the knapsack sitting underneath Jeff’s bar stool.

Sarge: Hello John! I’ll have the usual.

John: Coming right up Sarge!

Sarge: Hello young man.

Jeff: Hello

Sarge: So, what brings you into town?

Jeff: I am going to join the Circus.

Sarge: Is that so…?

Jeff: Yep! And, as soon as I get rich, I’m gonna buy my Ma a dress, and my Pa a fine coat. I’m gonna buy sister Jen a new pair of shoes,sister Ellie a doll, Brother Pete a hunting knife, and Grandpa a new plow.

Sarge. Well..that’s fine Jeff. How long do you think it will take you to get rich?

Jeff: I ain’t real sure.

Sarge: Well, does your Ma and Pa know about this?

Jeff: Yes Sir, Ma said it’s fine as long as I get home before dark.

erm……..*thinks*……….

Breaking News***

This just in; down at the local pharmacy picketers outside protest this new style of interrogation by local authorities. Saying of the new tactics, “They’re being too leniant on currnent offenders.” The alleged suspect, a 6 year old boy,(who wishes to keep his identity secret so he doesnt get a spanking) was spotted in the Mom&Pop Five&Dime shoving pixie sticks and gummi bears into his red knapsack, sometime around noon. The owner Frank Frankenstien, tried questioning the boy himself, but when the boy tried to run, he called local authorites.

“Luckily for me,” said Srgt. Liam O’Mally, “I was just on my way to the Mom&Pop for a malt, when i got the call. I see the little boy running out of the front door, and grabbed him by the ear… took him right back in to return the absconded items to where they belonged. Then Frank and me sat the boy down over a malt and discussed the consequences for stealing.” The photo was taken by a patron of the Mom&Pop who was inside during this whole fiasco.

“You know, i just think it was the darnedest thing,” said Eunice Miller, the woman who snapped the photo, “they’re being too gracious to shoplifters. This boy stole about a pound of gummis, and what does the cop do? He buys him a malt? When was the last time a cop bought you a malt for breaking the law?”

A spokesperson for the local precint said, “We’re handling all these junieville cases as professionally and throroughly as possible, but must keep in mind the childs age when deciding the right course of action. We feel that due to the suspects age, sitting down over a malt was the right thing to do. Our officer did nothing wrong.” As for damages, the owner of the shop is not pressing charges. “It was clearly his first time offense,” said Frankenstien, “and after the talkin’ to he got from O’Mally, i doubt he’ll ever do it again.” As for the boy, after his mother saw this photograph in the paper, he most certainly did, receive a spanking.

More at eleven.

Even though he didn’t have any place to stay.

He had a rough life,

His parents were always in strife.

He stopped in the soda shop,

That’s were he met a nice cop.

Who talked to him for a long time,

Although he should have been fighting crime.

The cop bought coffee to drink,

Which made his breath stink.

The boy asked the cop to give him a ride home,

To his parents who didn’t know were he had gone.

no, i’m perfectly capable of getting off a stool by myself.

well show me then.

not right now, officer. i’m not in the mood.

well don’t blame me if you’re stuck atop that thing forever. like a bride atop a wedding cake. till someone eats her.

hey! are you calling me a girlie?! how insulting! how disparaging! i think i might hit you over the head with my stick and sack made of a red hanky.

yeah, officer. leave the kid alone! i’m sure he is not a tranvestite.

humph! well you enver know about today’s youth. running around listening to that infernal racket they call music. dressed like vagrants. talking like sailors. who knows if there aren’t a few cross dressers thrown inot the mix?

hey, who are you? phil of the f***ing future? kids are totally decent these days!

phil WHO? you’ve gone daft!

oh no! i’ve broken a nail!

oh dear. i believe i do need help off this stool after all… wait a minute why am i talking like a medieval person? oh noooooo… helpeth me! willeth anyone helpelth a poor lad-eth off this infernally high stool-eth? oh! oh, anyone? i mean, anyone-eth?

listen you soda jerk jerk i am a policeman i can have you arrested for showing indececy to a public servernt.

listen you copper i am an extremely influential member of society and am more than able to convince the sears-roebuck to stop selling you those lovely lacy garters!

oh! the impudence-eth!

oh shut up you copper-eth!

oh HELP-ETH ME-ETH SOMEONE-ETH! I CANOT-ETH GET-ETH OFF-ETH THIS-ETH DAMNED-ETH STOOL-ETH! OH! MY BUM-ETH IS TURNING NUMB-ETH! I THINK-ETH THIS-ETH IS SERIOUS-ETH…

did ya like that? that starburst! oh that starburst!…

His first stop is to the local soda shop.

That is where he meets the cop.

The cop says his pop is tops.

The boy rethinks running away.

kid: No, all i get from being a police is a big tummy…

waiter: yes man, leave the kid alone.

boy: nope the bartenter is my daddy

bartender:Yes i am his daddy…leave my boy alone.