Circa 1876

“Fancy A Swim?”

Kitty Russell was just settling down for the night. The Long Branch had definitely seen it’s share of rowdy cowboys this particular evening. Why….. Some of them had seemed like MONSTERS!! Kitty got in bed tossing and turning, unable to settle down. In the old days, when she and Matt Dillon were going together, she would have said to him,”(3) A little help here please, ” when she was having trouble falling asleep. He would always soothe her with his loving,baritone voice and massage her neck and shoulders. Kitty stared up at the ceiling, with tears in her eyes…… “Oh , Matt….Here I lay in my lonely bed….Unable to sleep… Totally broken hearted. YOU, on the other hand, are resting quite nicely with that horrible hillbilly from Virginia, with the insatiable sex drive!!!…….. GAWD how I hate the wench!!” ( Matt had left her for Sunshine MacGillicutty.)

It was a hot evening…….. Kitty splashed some water on her face. She imagined swimming in a cool lake…. These thoughts drifted into her subconscious, producing QUITE a harrowing nightmare!!

The next morning, Kitty awoke with a start. Drenched in sweat

and tangled in her sheet, she crawled out of bed…. “Dear LORD, what a DREAM!!!” She dressed quickly and went downstairs, still shaking from the the ghastly visions!!

Doc Adams was reading the morning paper and had a cup of coffee waiting fo her.

Doc: “Kitty! Good morning. Good heavens!! You look terrible!! Are you well?” Her hair was matted down with sweat and there were dark circles under her eyes.

Kitty:”Doc. I had one HELLUVA nightmare!!”

Doc:”(1) I told you not to eat pizza just before bed time. Did I NOT TELL YOU?!”

Festus Haggen walked in and came over to join them.

Kitty:”I know. I know. I look terrible. Doc has just enlightened me with the cheery news!!” Festus quietly poured himself some coffee and said NOTHING.

Doc: “Well……. What was the dream about?”

Kitty:”I was on a boat…… in a cove……. there was a ………. A MONSTER in the water!”

Festus: ” (4) Shiver me timbers !!”

Doc looked at Festus….”Please don’t tell me your next contribution to this conversation is going to be, ‘ARRG.’ !! ”

Festus: “Ya old SCUTTER!!” In a softer voice….”Go on, Miss Kitty. Don’t mind Doc. He’s jest a testy old buzzard!!”

Kitty continued…. Both Doc and Festus listened, slack-jawed!!

Kitty:”It was HORRIBLE DOC !! YOU MAKE THIS ALL GO AWAY! YOU MAKE IT ALL GO AWAY!!! ”

Doc:” Kitty!!!! STOP IT!! You’re starting to scare me!!

Kitty: “I’m starting to scare myself!!! Oh, Doc. Between losing Matt and this God awful dream….. I just want something I can never have!!”

Doc:”Forget it!!! It was only a dream. It’s time for you to forget about Matt AND the dream and return to reality!”

Kitty:”(2) Reality ain’t what it used to be, Doc.” She slipped a little rotgut into her coffee. “Ever since Matt left me for Sunshine Mac MORON, I’ve got NOTHING! ZILCH! NADA!

I LIVE IN THE BOWELS OF HELL!!!”

Doc slapped her face!

Kitty: ” OWWWW!!!”

Doc:”Snap out of it!! ” He eyed her bottle of booze, stashed in her dress pocket….” (5) And how much would you say you had this morning?!”

Kitty pushed the bottle deeper in the dress folds and glared at him.

Festus: “Miss Kitty? (7) What’s a nice girl like you doing with a bottle of rotgut?”

Kitty:”Where the hell have YOU been these past few months??!! I haven’t stopped poisoning myself since Matt dumped me!!” She belched and let out a horrible laugh…..

“MUAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW !!!”

Festus: “I’ve got myself a dandy idea! Why don’t the three of us go yonder to that lagoon jest outside Hays City…. Have ourselves a little swim….Cool off and forget ALL about monsters.”

Kitty:” (6) NOT ON YOUR LIFE!!”

THIS was Kitty’s dream!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0gLAuY0Z44

But Tamera’s reply was interupted by her mother’s shrill voice coming from the upstairs apartment where they lived.

“A little help here please!” she shrieked and Tamera reluctantly left the cute boy to go see what was going on.

“Shiver me timbers, shiver me timbers!” said a sqacking voice coming from the direction of the living room.

“You’re brother got this ruddy parrot talking and it won’t stop! And — Timmy! I TOLD you not to eat pizza before bedtime!”

“But mom, we live in a pizza shop, it’s natural that I would eat pizza 24/7…”

Tamera’s mother sighed… “So, how’s it going?” she directed this to her daughter. “Tips wise, how much would you say you had?”

“Reality ain’t what it used to be, mom. This shop isn’t gonna be open much longer,” Tamera said sadly, showing her mother the meager two dollars she had collected that night.

As Tamera went to bed after another rough day, she heard her brother creep in through her door, pizza in his mouth and Jeffery the parrot perched on his arm, looking as though he was about to scare Tamera awake with the annoying bird.

Tamera turned quickly, grabbing the bird and releasing it through the window, disregarding the shocked look on her younger brother’s sauce-stained face.

“Not on your life, kid.”

i told you not to eat pizz before bedtime

and how much would you say you had?

shiver me timbers ,realiity aint what it used to be

more pizza ?

not on your life

how about a little help here please