Killled by Joey “Up Yours” Fancini, driver for the Mozzerella family, in a serious road rage incident in 2006.

Tommy “The Screwdriver” Dremeldi. To demonstrate his toughness, Tommy would stick screwdrivers into wall sockets and laugh as the shock passed through him.

Died three days after being hit by lightening in 2004. Doctors said they had never seen anyone survive so long after absorbing such a strike. An eternal light, attached to his arm by an electrical cord, burns at his gravesite to this date.

Jimmy “The Splinter” Buttifusco – Jimmy got his knickname as a child when he was involved in a serious Soap Box Derby accident. His injury prevents him from sitting for long periods of time even now.

Louie “The Buzzard” Carrioni – If is isn’t moving, Louie will try to eat it.

Carlos “The Washboard” Greco. A former amateur wrestler and minor league hockey player, Carlos now does money laundering and provides muscle for the infamous Esposito brothers. Working out in the gym two hours each day keeps Carlos fit and trim. He is not trusted by many other families due to his refusal to eat pasta.

Benny “Beaver” Dammitelli. Despite his buck teeth which made him appear rather dumb, Beaver was quite intelligent. A real “wise guy” in the mob, he acquired his moniker from his annoying habit of saying “I know every damn think, about every damn thing, and don’t you forget it.” Beaver died when a tree fell on his car one night down by the saw mill.

Marco “Taffy” Eatsalotta – Lawyer for the infamous M&M gang, Marco earned his name because of his ability to stretch the truth. Pulled many a mobster out of trouble in his day.

Kate “Headlights” Torino – currently in charge of acquiring hit men for jobs that need to be outsourced, Kate was born into the family. A former game show model and mistress to Bob Barker, Kate always seems to get just the right price when setting up a hit. An inveterate shopper, she often claims “I know the right price for everything” Kate acquired her moniker when she was involved in a mid-day traffic accident in Florence when one of the other drivers claimed he lost control of his vehicle because he was blinded by her headlights.

Floppy Freddie Falcone – a muscle-bound thug employed by various families as an enforcer, Freddie, formerly known as Freddie the Fist, obtained his current moniker based on the description of his sexual prowess by his ex-wife during their nasty divorce. She indicated in court documents that Freddie’s falcon didn’t soar as she had hopped. Floppy Freddie is currently serving a life term for beating to death the only man who ever called him Floppy Freddie to his face.

Sammy “The Sinker” Schuman – Former cement mason turned cobbler.

“Leadfinger” Louie Offermark – Whenever you need a rifle with a scope.

Harry “The Stick” Clobbernoggin – Have 2 x 4. Will use it.

Bennie “Sausages” Gagliano – Asphyxiates victims by stuffing a large salami down their throats.

Shirley “Boom-Boom” Bangodamiante – Big, loud, fire, smoke, …not subtle, …no traces.

Paulie “Pieces” Cuttimagione – Quick with a scalpel and bone saw.

Ward “The Cleaver” MacWhackerty – “Pieces” partner.

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Junie “The Juice” Paisano – If you want unconscious, only mostly dead, or the full dose, Junie can make your juice to order.

“Sunshine” Molly MacGillicutty – Leaves victims with her signature disembowelment.

Carmine ‘Crater Face” Visagimessinello – A severe case of adolescent acne left Carmine scarred for life and with a insatiable lust for rearranging others’ faces.

“Squeaky” Lou Tenoraltosoprano – A congenitalia defect caused Lou’s “jewels” to shrivel and fall off at the onset of puberty. He now conscripts stoolies to join his high-pitched choir.

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Mario “One Piece” Nocrassadicarra – Former indy formula racer and master getaway car driver. Always delivers his passengers and/or freight in one piece.

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Luigi “The Lock” Gedisopaformi – Expert safecracker and lock picker. No job too big, too small, or too tough for “The Lock”. Often teams with “Boom Boom”.

Angie “The Mute” Spigatomacha – Formerly known as “Pipes” for his soothing baritone opera voice, he was singing during a meeting with all the capi one evening and overheard their plans for a large heist. Angie let the plans slip out in an idle conversation with his girlfriend, Stella Tellalla. The cops found out and ruined the job and nabbing several family members. When the leak was traced to Angie’s tongue, they cut it out and fed it to him.

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Gia “Twinkie” Ciasagavone – 38-24-38 with an IQ only slightly higher than her waist measurement. Arm candy for the ever smiling Lucky Luciano Ghetselotta.

Antonio “Mozzarella” Scarpetti- The big cheese of the Tatano henchmen.

Fats “the fiddler” Cellulito- This very small wiry man with an unfortunate name was nonetheless a master at torture. Known for strapping his victims down and playing his violin beside them for hours. And playing badly. And off key. Did I mention hours?

Keno “Odds man” Roulette- This French cleaner took a gamble on the Hallas hit……and lost.

Hugh “Stilts” Mongous- The mob’s most notorious dwarf, he was known in some circles as “the screaming midget.” If left in a room with a Hugh too long, the victim would often lose their kneecaps.

Parish “The Vaccuum” Helton- Her fame and celebrity forced her early retirement from the ranks of deadly Henchman due to her constantly being photographed by papparazzi everywhere she went. Which was just as well since she was dumber than a bag of hammers and never wore panties. She earned the nickname “the vacuum” by being so dumb that when you stood beside her you could hear a sucking sound coming from her ears. I said her ears!! Ears!!

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Dicky “Pocket Pool” Squinters- Known for always bringing the pain one handed…….

Chico “The mother in law” Frizolli- infamous for demoralizing his target in an instant and leaving them with severe feelings of inadequacey, he was hated even by his own family.

Waldo “The chameleon” Abernathy- Blended in so well in any given situation, he gave birth to the now famous phrase….you guessed it….”Where’s Waldo”?

Shamus “The Sieve” O’doole (s)- This Irish henchman felt no pain….literally. So vershnookered that he couldn’t remember the last two decades of his life, O’doole (s) left the earth when he accidentally confused some potassium cyanide with his morning after aspirin. When he passed away, he was already embalmed upon arrival at the funeral home.

(This record STILL stands!)

Silva “Boobs” Bacciagalupe…..known for confounding the victim with her cleavage, then offing them on the stoop.

Cheese “Funnyman” Fomagio……he’s been pumped full of enough lead to make him look like “Swiss Cheese”

Wow Bill “Glasses” Colombo….uses his used Peugeot convertible to take the “Godfather” to his weekly psychotherapy session.

Sunshine “The Cowgirl’ MacGillacutty…… supplies horse heads on demand………they don’t come cheap!!

Numbsain “The Brain” Cervello…… Doctors the books for the major players..so there is no paper trail.

Ghouly “Buns” Assiamento….Master “clean-up” man. Prized for his ability to make **** dissapear.

WOW!!!!! This was a GREAT question..I am AMAZED by the hilarious answers from the usual crew……I laughed and laughed..Good luck picking a winner…these guys are GOOD!!!

Marco Polo (discards bodies in suburban swimming pools)

Mercede Modesto (adept at running over victims, yet remains humble)

Francesco Unfortunato (attempted one hit, unsuccessfully)

Luca (engages in loud knocking late at night on your second floor. Kills you when ask her what it was)

Grazia (thanks victims prior to strangling them with bare hands)

Avon Ivone (lures victims via home cosmetic sales)

Antonio “Anaconda” Gioconda (uses aquatic boa constrictors to carry out assignments)

Girodano “Ginsu” Giovanni (prefers attacking with ginsu knives because of their uncanny sharpness)

Enrico Pallazo (knocked unconscious at baseball … wait, I’m thinking of Police Squad)

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Is this going to a vote or somethin? C’mon questioner, let’s get with the program!

Righty— “Dey call me righty cuz I’m right handed see.”

Rubbers— “I ain’t cat’lick uh nuttin”

Jimmy the Bulgarian— “Duh, dey cawl me da Bulgarian cause I’m fro”—(Smack) “Shaddup you dope, we know!” “S-sorry bawss.”

Giggles—Such a miserable childhood had this pathetic character that as a defense, he developed a chronic nervous laugh which accompanies his every utterance.

“Heh-heh-heh-wh-heh-whattaya gonna do? if ya can’t laugh, ya might as well stick ya head in da microwave Heh-Heh.”

Marzipan “Dey call ma dat cuz I lu-u-uv mahzipan (chomp chomp choff chew—KABLOOEY!!!!)” “Cuh-rrection, he love-Duh mahzapan.” (“Psst, hey Louis, da bawss just wasted Marzapan!” “Dat ain’t good, don’t let Marzipan hear about dat or he’ll be very upset.” “He’s DEAD Louie.” “Wow, he loved it so much it killed ‘im.”

The Wiper— “Hey Ringworm, cover me I gotta go take a dump.” “Ya need any help!?!?” “Yer disgustin’ Wiper… okay but hurry up!” “Oh boy, oh boy! I love ta wipe!”

Squeeze—Tightest asshole in the business

Four Fingers McGurk— Used to be Five Fingers McGurk before an unfortunate run in with a coin return slot.

Sippy Cup— “Whachout! Ya gonna spill dat!”

Choir Boy—”Look at ’em! Ain’t he pretty? Who’s gonna suspect a ting?”

Saltine— “He ain’t good in bed dats fuh shuah.”

Danny “the Dick” Deloise—He used to work for the coppers as a detective, what were you thinkin’?”

French— “Dey call me French… I have no idea why.”

Sponge Bob—”He’s a very spongy guy, His goil just had a baby boy…Absorbine Jr.”

Louis the Leper—”Keep an eye out for the heat Louis” “Ya mean literally?” (Whap) “Hey my nose!!”

Headcrusher—”Duh-uh uh-uhhuh. Duhhuh, huh?”

The Gip—”I paid you last week! You said you was gonna pay, I nevah got da bill, I didn’t do it! …huh? Oh, who was you tawkin’ to den? nevahmind”

Wrinkles— “Whattaya want from me I’m pushin’ 90.”

Foreskin—”It’s maw nacheral dis way”

Manny the Moyle—”don’ nevuh take a tip from him.”

Cheese paper—”would you cut dat out? just buy anothuh cheeseburger if ya dat hungry”

Beano— “Oh Jeez Beano! Somebody open a frikken window in heah!”

Tony the Tongue— “Hey, what happened ta my whipped cream? …Tony?!?!

Rickets—”You could drive a truck froo deah”

Clicker— “What da fok? I was watchin dat!”

Big Muggles— “‘eah, you want some?” “Where are yiz? I can’t even SEE in heah!”

One Ball Barney—”It just nevah came down.”

No Legs Walker— “Look at ’em go!”

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Free Bonus Henchmen!

Joey “the Ottoman” Empirelli— learned very little from his older brother “Stoolie”

Cuddles—Who’s my cuddley bear? Yesh you are! Yesh you are! *Kablooey!!!!*

Vinnie “Lover Boy” Fagatelli— “No it ain’t “Lover Boy”, its “Love a Boy”

Carmine “Chicken of the Sea” Tunarelli—”I’m afraid of drownin’. I can’t swim, gimme a break!

Tommy “Ticonderoga” Pincildicci—Also known as “2H”

“The General” and “Eraserback” Tommy is known for filling his victims full of lead although he insists it’s graphite.

Jimmy “the Geek” Popododoulos— No you moron! The Greek! The Greek!

George Summers—”…Well, well, well looky what we got heah boys heh heh.” “(gulp) Uh h-hey look guys I don’t w-want any t-t-trouble I just made a wrong turn at Singles and D-Dating!…” *KA-BLAM!!!*

Vincent “The Venti, Iced, Low-Fat, Soy, White Chocolate Caramel Macciatto with Whip” Frappucinelli— “and your name please?” *KER-POW!!!*

Joey Buttafucco—Helped an ex football star murder his wife. “Say, weren’t you wearin’ two gloves before?”

Anthony Baccagalapagolupi—*KA-BLOOEY!!!!*

Ricky Spa—*RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-OOEY!!!!

Joh—*BLAM!!!!* *BLAM!!!!* *BLAM!!!!*

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