My husband and I along with two other couples were having a small get together at our home. We had just finished supper; they were in the living room, having a drink, and listening to Dave tell his tall tales as usual. He could be pretty entertaining when he wanted to be. His new girlfriend, Joan, who thinks she’s a psychic, seemed to be a good match for him. They were in the middle of saying, “and you’ll never guess what we saw?” as I joined them in the room.

“WAIT, WAIT, DON’T TELL us,” I interrupted, “it was a shadowy looking ghost and.”

“Common on,” Dave said, “Let me finish.”

“Aw poor Dave,” I tormented. “Give us a new one, that’s old but I’ll agree, that, THAT STORY WOULD CURL YOUR HAIR but we really do need some new ones.”

Joan piped up, “Let’s have a séance!”

“NOT IN MY HOUSE.” I came back quickly.

They all started saying it would be fun and it took them quite awhile to convince me to go along with it. I wasn’t afraid of spirits or believed in them it was just creepy somehow.

“O.K. but we’ll precede QUIETLY PLEASE because I don’t want us waking up Mary.” She was our six year old daughter.

Joan and Lorna jumped up and straightened up the table cloth on the dinner table and got out a large glass bowl making out it was a crystal ball. Joan was going to lead the séance. We all gathered around, sat down, and held hands like Joan asked us too. She had already turned down the lights and seemed quite serious about the whole thing. She was going to see if she could contact her sister somehow.

This was ridiculous I thought but I closed my eyes like the rest and went along with it, after all it was only a bit of fun.

Joan went rambling on for about four minutes, silence, and then a couple of us practically jumped off our seats. I almost screamed, WHAT WAS THAT NOISE?”

“SSSSSSH,” Joan said softly, “Don’t disturb the spirit.”

We all heard the sound again. Our eyes and ears were open and looking around. It was definitely a voice, a strange voice but one none the less.

In a shaky voice Lorna said, “I think it came from the room down your hallway, the SECOND DOOR ON YOUR LEFT.”

I was about to say this was enough when we heard it once more.

“WHAT WAS THAT NOISE?” I asked again.

We heard footsteps coming down the hallway and even Dave and Joan looked a little startled until they saw the face appear around the corner.

“Great job!” they both said to their friend Anne who we had briefly met awhile back.

When we all came to out senses Dave and Joan between their laughing spurts told us they had it all arranged with Anne. They made sure our back door was unlocked so she could slip in and wait.

“Well Dave, I guess you got us that time and have your next dinner party story. I need a drink.”

Thank goodness our daughter is a sound sleeper.

Rita said, “Well, that story would curl your hair.” GiGi asked, “OK if we smoke?” Sarah replied, “Not in my house—the folks don’t allow smoking.” Lori wondered if anyone had heard any gossip. Renee asked, “Where is the bathroom?” Sarah told her, “Second door on the left.” Lori said loudly, “Now that Renee is out of the room, I wonder if anyone else heard she had “done it” with Billy?” Rita said, “Quietly, please. We wouldn’t want Renee to hear us talking about her behind her back.”

“What was that noise?” asked Betty. “Only my stomach growling.” GiGi replied, “Let’s order pizza.” Lori said, “I heard Billy is the delivery boy for ‘Pizza Plenty.’ Maybe we can get it for free if Renee answers the door.”

“I think someone’s at the door.” he grumbled, annoyed that he’d have to pause the Sopranos yet again. He groaned and rose up slowly.

She heard the door creak open.

“Jesus, not you guys AGAIN.” his voice rose.

“Who is it…wait, wait, don’t tell me…is it the bible thumpers again?”

“Yup, you got it.” he yelled back

“At this hour? They have some nerve.”

The tall suited one stuck his arm up defensively. “Please, sir, just a moment of your time, if we could just come in and discuss..”

“NOT IN MY HOUSE, you DON’T” he shouted, almost slamming the door, then stopping short. He remembered how his neighbor had borrowed his mower, and returned it with a snapped blade.

“On the other hand, I do know someone who’d be delighted to see you…” he pointed across the street. “Second door on the left…Jim’s his name.” He closed the door.

He returned to the living room, resumed his seat and picked up the remote. Hesitating, he turned to her, “Remember that family in Connecticut? They let those bible freaks into the house and they all got slaughtered and robbed? That story would curl your hair! No way am I ever letting those creeps into my home!” he jabbed the play button.

“Next time, hon, could you tell them to get lost a bit more quietly please?” she asked. “You don’t want to offend them, lord knows what they’ll do…”

“shhshhh, I like this part.” he said

Tony Soprano was wacking some poor slob with a pool cue.

exit scene