A few days ago
Krystal G

NEW COLLEGE ESSAY!!! tell me what you think?

When I look at this picture of myself, I realize how much I’ve grown and changed, not only physically, but also mentally as a person In the last couple of years. Less than one month after this photograph was taken, I arrived at North Shore Community College without any idea of what to expect. Around me in this picture are the things which were most important in my life at the time:

I will strive to be a tremendous asset to Northeastern University by devoting all my time to becoming an excellent student. I believe that I am obligated to use my talents in a constructive manner, in a manner that benefits society. The medical career gives me the unique opportunity to express my many talents while benefiting human life.

Going to a medical school and earning a degree has always been a dream of mine. My life, like many others has seen and been through times of sorrow. I have watched one loves in pain, with uncertainty of their future. Just recently a long lost Uncle has reappeared in the lives of my family. Glad to see him him back but, I’m sad and worried about is life. He has been diagnosed with throat cancer, and must under go chemotherapy. Watching his struggles urges me to learn more about steps into recovery and how I can be of help. Cancer rates are at large tacking away to many people too soon. I believe that Doctors don’t just treat bodies they also listen to souls because sometimes the illness is cured by a friend.

Becoming a doctor has always been a passion of mine ever since i was a little girl. Now that I am older that feeling has grown into a heart felt desire. I want to be a doctor so I can serve others and make them feel truly comfortable. I have shared the lives of my patients as a personal care attendant, I have laughed and cried with them. This is what i want to do with my life.

I believe that my ability to improve and expand my communication skills since I was constantly meeting numerous people which makes me well suited to pursue a medical career. I also consider myself a “people” person. As a sales consultant, I interact and communicate with a variety of people thereby expanding my ability to discuss a wide range of topics. Because people constantly disclosed their personal issues to me, I learned to become not only a good conversationalist, but also an excellent listener. In medical school, I also plan to pursue side work like Volunteering. One of my most rewarding experiences has been helping patients as a Personal Care Attendant. As a Personal Care Attendant I’ve learned not only

I am Highly motivated to succeed, I dramatically improved my grades following a time at North Shore Community College. In the past year I have learned a lot through my experiences and relationships. I’ve realized that I was trying so much to make everyone else happy that I wasn’t keeping myself and my interests in mind at times when I should have. Once I realized what goal i wanted to pursue in my life, i plan to work hard to succeed in achieving this goal.

I have been diligent in my pursuit of medicine as a career because I am convinced that medicine offers me the opportunity to live a fulfilling, rewarding life dedicated to helping others. I will enter medicine eager to learn. Attending Northeastern University would be one of the greatest rewards for my motivation and persistence for success.

Top 6 Answers
A few days ago
♥♥♥♥♥

Favorite Answer

Hmm, I like the last paragraph, but don’t mention the thing about the loss of your uncle. Today my English teacher was just talking about writing college essays, and told us that including deaths or divorces are very common and though it may have impacted you strongly, very often colleges see that in many of their papers…so you want to try to separate yourself from everyone else as much as possible. Include more information about why you think Northeastern, and not just any college, will make your dream of becoming a doctor come true.

Fix up your grammar a bit and try using complex sentences to make it less choppy, but otherwise it’s a good essay.

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A few days ago
Nedra E
Hello again! I recognize the paragraph I already critiqued for you. For this I’ll use P# to designate which paragraph I’m addressing. If you do your essays on a word processor, you should install a grammar checker as I still find grammatical errors and a grammar checker will be a real asset to you.

P#1 replace “:” at end of paragraph with a “.”

insert an additional CR after this P.

P#2 “constructive manner, in a manner is redundent… remove “in a manner” after the comma

P#3 – sentence 2 awkward phrasing. Try: My life, like that of many others, has been through times of sorrow.

sentence 3 more awkward. ?? I have watched loved ones in pain, when they were uncertain of their future. ??

sentence #5 “I am glad to see him back… and “his life” not is life

sentence #6 – undergo is one word.

sentence #8 – taking away too many … not taking and to

sentence #9 – ; belongs after bodies or else put a period.

P#4 – much improved… but that should be a “;’ not a “,” before I have laughed

p #5 – good on communication skills – BUT… having worked at a medical school, and having married a doctor, I can tell you that you will NOT have time to pursue ANY side work, much less do Volunteer work. It’s VERY time consuming and demanding and you won’t have time to do volunteer work while you are in medical school, internship or residency. It’s really hard if you MUST work to support yourself while attending medical school, but don’t think you’ll have time to do volunteer work during the school year. Medical school is intense and demanding and time consuming.

The grammar in P5 is good, but the last sentence is missing some of your text and as it stands, I believe it’s called a “dangling participle”… or something like that…

P#6 – looks good… just capitalize “i” … it’s “I”

P#7 – looks good

😀

I disagree with ~♥~ on a few of her comments. I see no problem mentioning the loss of your uncle. Your style… your choice… your continuity… While the teachers see a lot of deaths & divorces in essays, that’s not necessarily a reason to leave them out to “stand out from the crowd”.

Her suggestion on mentioning more on NE and why this college will help make your dream come true is good. The grammer I already addressed in detail.

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A few days ago
Laura
Hi there, this is a pretty good essay. I do see several grammatical errors (missing commas, incorrect punctuation, sentence fragments). If you are still at your college, I would suggest taking it to a writing center (if you have one) or an english professor. You want to make sure that you have no errors when you send your essay to Northeastern. Good luck for the future!
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A few days ago
Nathaly
I read the first sentence and stopped, simply because you did not grab my attention in any way. I didn’t read the rest of it and it doesn’t matter if it’s really good because the first sentence sets the mood, and I didn’t like it at all.
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A few days ago
blah
northeastern is in the ghetto part of boston. why would you want to go there? it’s the worst school in Boston. look into BU, BC, Harvard, MIT and even UMASs-Boston.
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A few days ago
ricky_272004
horrible..but wat do i know im still a softmore in high school
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