A few days ago
night hawk

can u give me you opinion about my persoanl statement?do u think it is good enough?

The reasons which prompted me to apply for the ****MBA course ARE several ; my ambition to improve and diversify my talents and skills, and my desire to ensure that I accomplish my goal to hold a place in a managerial position in my future career life, In addition, after doing extensive research into the **** mba course I decided that this was the best choice as it appears to be a very well designed programme and it covers all business activities and provides a perceptive overview of all the aspects of the world of business. I have also taken into consideration the excellent reputation held by **** University and especially the **** business school.

I expect that The benefits of taking the **** MBA course will be extremely significant, it will teach me important managerial and interpersonal skills that will guide me all the way through my career life ,and the optimal way on how to deal with various business issues, and make me look at things with an insightful point of view In addition it will highly increase my employment chances and provide me with the opportunity to further my career

My personal qualities include very good analytical skills that have been developed through my work as a information’s system analyst ,along aside with the ability to identify potential opportunities in wide areas for achieving profitable results , and excellent interpersonal and communicational skills that made am able to deal with people with a positive attitude and having the aptitude to be a valuable team member , and the most important the continuing eager to learn and have a desire for success.

After graduating, I had the opportunity to work in a privately owned company that utilizes the PVC granules in the master-patch industry formation for e.g. plastic bottling products. I worked in the IT department which I was in first responsible for co designing and establishing new information’s system for the company instead of the old used system and later doing the management and development tasks of the database for all company departments .

Throughout my work I hade the chance to overlook and interact with various business activities and try to connect it with business theories taught during my undergraduate studies, which gave me more understanding of Business administration.

Top 2 Answers
A few days ago
Mrs. Kennedy

Favorite Answer

Sounds great! You are very articulate. I especially like the organization, talking first about the reasons, then the program and school and finally yourself. A few things I could change…

Paragraph 1: Period after “future career life”. Which leaves only two reasons you are applying to the school so the word several is no longer appropriate. Comma after “research into the mba course”. This sentence is also a run-on. Consider a period after “business activities” and starting the next sentence with “It also”.

Paragraph 2: lower case t in “the benefits”. In that same sentence take out “it will” or start a new sentence. Perhaps change it to “by teaching”. In that same sentence take out comma after “career life”. Put a period after “business issues” and start a new sentence with “This offers a unique perspective allowing me to look…”. Put a period after “point of view”. Put a comma after “In addition”.

Paragraph 3: take out the word “aside”. This entire paragraph has only one long run-on sentence to consider only including one or two reasons per sentence starting your sentences with things like “additionally” or “I also pride my self on” or “I strive”. Change “made am” to “make me”. And “the most important the continuing eager” does not make sense. Try” And perhaps the most important quality is my eagerness to lean and my desire for success”.

Paragraph 4: take out the word “for” before e.g. change “which I was in” to “in which I was”. Change “hade” to “had”. Change :overlook” to “oversee”.

Terrific essay! Good luck!

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A few days ago
Anonymous
That looks pretty good. I know it’s probably a rough draft, but I see numerous punctuation and grammatical errors. Please have someone you that know is good with grammar, spelling, and punctuation look it over. For someone that reviews a lot of these applications, there is nothing worse than reading through lots of errors. Also, it is a little bit general. Be a bit more specific about what you want to do after you finish your education and what qualifications you have. You have to stand out somehow from the other applicants.
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