will you send your child to a residential school if you had to? My son has autism, schools are not helping.?
I am a 47-year-old mother with a 7-year-old son who will soon be evaluated for ADHD/Asperger’s syndrome (high functioning autism). His behavior is sometimes “over the top ” too, and I have virtually no family support. My family and I live in different states. I have tried working from home for the last year, and it has not worked out well. Yet, I know that I must do what is best for me as well as my son and what is best for him is to be with his mother who loves him.
You will not be able to parent your child while he is in a residential home. I do not know how severe his autism is, but have you looked into whether your state/city offers “respite care,” so you can have a break every week or two?
Often disabled children are abused–physically and sexuallly–in residential home settings. I doubt if the home you have in mind is one of the better ones. I would not put my child in such a home, but I would seek out more therapy for him. Also, homeschooling is an option which you might want to research. You might also think about training for a career such as medical transcription where you can make a good living working from home; you could then have someone come into your home and watch D’Andre’ while you take a break. Additionally, take the initiative with the schools and pursue, pursue, pursue an appropriate IEP and subsequent implementation of that IEP. D’Andre’, like all children, is entitled to a free and appropriate public school education.
I understand the financial sacrifices one has to make when there is a child with special needs, yet we owe our children the world and they owe us nothing. We brought them into the world and whether the father is there to help or not, we must do all we can to take care of them. It saddens me, Robyn, that your family is not willing to help; perhaps your church, Easter Seals, or some other organization may help you. Research and look into all possible options.
I hope this is helpful.
If this is the case, then your son may be better off in a residential school setting, and you are brave and courageous to put him there.
Think about it – if he had a serious medical problem you would go ahead and put him the hospital; he has a serious problem and you are getting him treatment for it. It’s not as though you were putting him into a prison and never going to see him again. Most facilities encourage visitation by families and even hold groups and classes for parents. They even help to work up a treatment plan to help the child transition back home, and make sure that you have the support you need to help your child.
It’s a shame that you don’t have any family support; if you get a negative response consider offering to allow D’Andre to live with them for awhile, since they think they can do a better job than you. Let them see what it’s like to walk a mile in your shoes, and maybe they won’t be so quick to judge.
Trust your instincts. Your his mother, you have his best interests at heart, and you know him best.
Good luck with this difficult decision.
Also, since your son is Autistic, you should be eligible for assistance from your state in the form of a respite worker who would come to your home so that you can take care of things like shopping and doctor’s appointments. Have you applied for benefits through your state?
If you do decide that residential placment is best for you and for your son for now, know that it takes great love sometimes to let go and do what you know is right even in the face of disapproval from others who do not understand.
P.S. If anyone gives you serious trouble about the idea, drop your son off at their house for an hour or two and then ask them what they think! Hang on!
The only way to really make it work otherwise, IMHO, is with a TON of family support. I am very lucky in that regard, and have an involved husband and own mom and dad to help out. I understand that it is probably better for him to be at home with you, all else being equal. However, it sounds like all else is NOT equal, in this situation – you are falling into quicksand, am I right? There will be benefits to him to have the kind of structure they can provide, as well.
Sometimes doing the best thing for our children means not letting our feelings of guilt get in the way of doing what’s *really* best for everyone. If you are not able to find any resources, such as family help, it might be worth looking into residential care, at least for a while. Also make sure that you are on the list for respite care, although it takes a few years to actually get any.
Best of Luck – I know that raising an autistic child is just about the hardest job in the world. God Bless.
Has the public school district helped you in every way? Do you have an in home trainer to help with your son transfering skills from the school setting to the home setting? Have you tried respite care for the weekend or a short term placement?
It is very important to exhaust all your possibilities before you look into a residential treatment program… especially if you want the school district to pay for it.
It was hard on me to let him go, but I knew it was the best thing for me to do for him. He will soon be 41 and I am not sorry I did what I did for him.
I would suggest that you let him go, but not to a school run by a religious group because he will learn that God is good and the devil is bad and then repeat those things he was taught. Now he talks about the devil telling him to do bad things. Society thinks someone is mentally ill if they do. But for him it is his way of talking about the good and bad.
Again, please send him to a residential school and I wish you the best.
about the services available on the east coast. If you live here than e-mail me and I may be able to give you some more detailed information.
- Academic Writing
- Case Study
- Critical Thinking
- Education Questions
- Essay Tips
- Essay Writing
- Free Essay Samples
- Free Essay Templates
- Free Essay Topics
- Human Resources
- Problem Solving
- Research Paper
- Review Writing
- Social Issues
- Speech Writing
- Term Paper
- Thesis Writing
- Writing Styles