The question is actually do the parents, teachers and friends of the person with autism find this offensive – in some cases, yes.

People with autism are generally unaffected by what other people label them – but they will refer to themselves as “auties” and “aspies”.

The world of autism is full of controversy these days – there are “curists” who view autism as an evil fog that has enveloped their perfect child and must be destroyed, and there are people who figure their kid will just outgrow it and so do nothing. In between are the parents who are bewildered by the responsibility of raising a child with such a mysterious and potentially debilitating disorder and do their best to make the right choices for their children as time ticks on. Some will doggedly stick to a PDD diagnosis (which is meaningless – autism IS a PDD) because at least then they don’t have to use the A word, or misled by those who call Asperger’s “high functioning” autism.

And then there are the teenagers and adults with autism – some of them devastatingly articulate about how their parents’ choices and treatments affected them. Look up “neurodiversity” if you are interested in how some adults with autism feel about these issues, and how some leading therapists are changing the way they view autism.

Personally I say as little as possible – usually a quick “my son has autism” or “Piers is autistic” as my three year old does something non typical in the playground. More detail tends to get me a blank look or denial (Piers doesn’t “look” autistic to most people.) The whole “has autism” or “is autistic” to me is just semantics – you don’t say “has blindness” or “has giftedness”.

I believe that autism is hardwired – you can (and should) help a child with therapy and diet and supplements to speak and interact and have a good and happy life, but the autism will always affect who they are. My son has his special diet, his supplements, his chiropractic, his IBI therapy, his Floortime, his speech therapy, his occupational therapy, his preschool, his art therapy, his trampoline and his little brother all focussed on helping him fulfil his potential. His language is just emerging at three and a half – right now our emphasis isn’t on destroying the autism, but on guiding our autistic son so he can find the path he needs to be on.

To answer your question – I think it depends on why you need to know. If you’re a health care professional, or a therapist, or someone else who interacts with families on a regular basis, by all means use the more PC “person with autism”. But I’ll tell you, your personal feelings will speak loud and clear to the family – if you feel distate, or pity, or condescension then that will show through even the most carefully chosen words.

No matter what your role, treat families with respect, speak directly to the child and be honest. That’s worth more than all the political correctness in the world.

Some autistic people maintain that they don’t want to be “cured” of autism as they don’t think it’s a disease. Therefore, they won’t get offended by what you call it, unless you refer to it as a disease.

The most helpful tip I can give you: You’ll never NOT offend someone. Some people find political correctness itself offensive. Pretty much, there’s always going to be somebody who doesn’t like the way you say things.

I did hear once, something that really stuck with my mind. Why even describe it? Why do we (I am a parent of two on the spectrum) even use it to define their child. It’s not like you introduce your sibling by saying “This is my brother with hemorrhoids”, but people have no problem bringing out their childs disability first thing, thereby defining every interaction their child has by their disability. “This is my child with autism,” “This is my child with CP” “This is my child with Down’s syndrom” I guess it’s too idealistic, why can’t they just be children….”This is Josh, my son” the end

People with autism is the correct term.