A few days ago

i need quotes!?

funny, cute, inspirational, whatever i just need quotes! (i like the funny ones best tho…)

Top 10 Answers
A few days ago

Favorite Answer

An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body.

Jim Hayes

To find a friend one must close one eye. To keep him – two.

Norman Douglas

Never exaggerate your faults, your friends will attend to that.

Robert C. Edwards

I may be wrong, but I have never found deserting friends conciliates enemies.

Margot Asquith

Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn’t seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh

There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.

Benjamin Franklin

Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.

Samuel Butler

Money couldn’t buy friends but you got a better class of enemy.

Spike Milligan

It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart:the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you.

Mark Twain

The best time to make friends is before you need them.

Ether Barrymore

A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling.

Arthur Brisbane

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Thomas Jones

Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.


A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.

Bernard Meltzer

Give me one friend, just one, who meets The needs of all my varying moods.

Esther M. Clark

A true friend never gets in your way unless you are going down.

Arnold H. Glasgow

who finds a true friend,finds a preious treasure

When you face the sun, the shadows always fall behind you.

Helen Keller

All battles are first won or lost, in the mind.

Joan of Arch

There are always flowers for those who want to see them.

Henri Matisse

We shall draw from the heart of suffering itself the means of inspiration and survival.

Sir Winston Churchill

Desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything.

Napoleon Hill

What lies behind us and what lies before us aresmall matters compared to what lies within us.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Impossible is a word to be found only in the dictionary of fools.


Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that,but the really great ones make you feel that you too, can become great.

Mark Twain

A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.

Erin Majors

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

Eleanor Roosevelt

Leadership is the challenge to be something more than average.

Jim Rohn

The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.

James Allen

What we vividly imagine, ardently desire, enthusiastically act upon, must inevitably come to pass.

Colin P Sisson

Inherent in every intention and desire, is the mechanics for its fulfillment … Intention and desire have infinite power. And when we introduce an intention in the fertile ground of pure potentiality, we put the infinite power to work for us.

Deepak Chopra

A good life is a collection of happy memories.

Denis Waitley

View stumbling blocks as stepping stones to the stars.


You are a masterpiece of creation.

Denis Waitley

If you have always done it that way, it is probably wrong.

Charles Kettering

A decision is made with the brain. A commitment is made with the heart. Therefore, a commitment is much deeper and more binding than a decision.

Nido Qubein

You make up your mind before you start that sacrifice is part of the package.

Richard M. DeVos

The greatest communication skill is paying value to others.

Denis Waitley

You have two hands. One to help yourself, the second to help others.


All glory comes from daring to begin.

Eugene F Ware


A few days ago
There’s an old saying – There’s No Place Like Home. Well, I went in the house next door, and it was very similar.

I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.

A guy at work went in for a competition and won a trip to China. He’s out there now…trying to win a trip back!

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

I had lunch with a chess champion the other day. I knew he was a chess champion because it took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead.

I’ve often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can’t get my wife to go swimming.

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I made a killing in the stock market. My broker lost all my money, so I killed him.


5 years ago
I find Steven Wright quotes funny. Here are a few of them I found online. “Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.” “All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.” “OK, so what’s the speed of dark?” “How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?” “Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.” “My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas…I told my roommate and he said ‘Do I know you?’” “Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, “What for?”” “I Xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare.” “I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.” “I wrote a song, but I can’t read music so I don’t know what it it. Every once in a while I’ll be listening to the radio and I say, ‘I think I might have written that’.” “I installed a skylight in my apartment…The people who live above me are furious!” “My house is on the median strip of a highway. You don’t really notice, except I have to leave the driveway doing 60 MPH.” “I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.” “I spilled spot remover on my dog. He’s gone now.”

A few days ago
When life gives you lemons, sqeeze them in your friends face.

Craziness is hereditory. Children pass it on to parents.

To see what is right and not do it is cowardice, It is never a question of who is right but WHAT is right.

-John Buchan

With every new day comes a fresh start.

Two wrongs never make a right.

Write something, even if it’s just a suicide note.

I’ve always been interested in people, but I never liked them.

Thou weedy unwash’d minnow!

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it’s compounding a felony.

Happy wife, happy life.


A few days ago
“I am not young enought to know everything.”- Oscar Wilde

“What’s in a name? that which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet.” -Shakespeare

“They that love beyond the world cannot be separated by it. Death cannot kill what never dies.” – William Penn

“A chemist who can extract from his heart’s element, compassion, respect, longing, patience, regret, surprise and forgiveness and compound them into one, can create that atom which is called love.” -Kahlil Gibran

“One of the most striking difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.” – Mark Twain

“Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length.” – Robert Frost


A few days ago
The Pessemist.
My favourite book is “The Lovely Bones” and it’s about a girl who gets killed and goes to heaven. She then narrates her family from above and talks about how they are dealing with her death. She also watches her murderer. One quote I really liked went something like this; “fold the corners of yourself and tuck them under where noone can see”. It’s about how her sister handled her grief. Her sister who was only one year younger doesn’t let anybody know she’s in pain. She keeps everything in. I like it because it reminds me of myself. If i’m sad, I don’t cry, I don’t tell anyone, I just keep it to myself.

A few days ago
hmm well


“if u cant defeat ur opponents with ur intelligence then baffel them with bullshit”




and others are like

>> road to the success is always under construction

>>Born free; Taxed to death.

>>If our constitution allows us free speech, why are there phone bills?

>>”Sometimes you eat the bear.

Sometimes the bear eats you”

>>”It is better to live than exist”

>>”Life is 2 short, so live it 2 the fullest”

>>”We work to Live, not live to work”

>>”smile. it confuses ppl. & dance like no one’s looking, sing like no one’s listening, and live like its the last moment”

>>”If you stand for nothing, you’ll fall for anything”

>>”I AM being nice, You should see me when I’m not!”

>>”Love is tender and knows no gender”

>>”You dont know what you have until you lose it”

>>”Love many, trust few, and always paddle your own canoe”

>>”What Comes Around Goes Around”


A few days ago
Life is like a lemon, make lemonade. You can’t learn how to run, you need to learn how to walk first. Chocolate, men, some things are just better rich.

A few days ago
“Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.” — Dennis Wholey

“I CAN is 100 times more important than IQ” — unknown


A few days ago
How about “Kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray”