by trying to change yourself, you are not being true to yourself. i know, it’s hard to REALLY not care what other people say. it’s easy to say you don’t, but to really believe it can be hard. trust me, i know all too well. find peopole you are comfortable around, who accept (and like) you for you. if someone is trying to change you, they are not looking out for what is best for YOU. don’t let other people change you. you need to do what you want, and what you feel is right. i know it is a total cliche, but would you jump off a cliff if someone told you to? you need to listen to and follow your heart. i know, pretty cheesy, but it is totally true. it is hard to be yourself and not conform to what other people say is “right” or “cool”. however, look at what people think is “cool”. do you think it’s cool? is that who you want to be? or do you want to be someone else? someone different, that doesn’t follow the crowd and is true to herself? i honestly know that it can be hard to stick up for yourself and your ideals. you need to hang around with people who encourage you to be yourself and to be happy. stay true to yourself, and you can’t go wrong. it feels much better to be the person you are and want to be than be the person everyone else wants. you aren’t everyone else. you are unique. everyone is in their own way. that’s what makes us all special. what’s important is embracing what makes you, you.

oh, wow, i wrote a lot! i’m sorry if that got boring and preachy!

Some of it depends on your school (if there are only 100 kids in your grade that were together from K-12, you will still always be tormented about that huge fart noise you made during general assembly in second grade, where if there are 500 kids in a grade you can find somewhere to fit in).

Being younger than everyone else isn’t going to help much (it’s hard for everyone – having any differences in high school hurts because people pick at them).

If fitting in is your goal follow the following steps:

1) pick the group you are going to ‘fit-in’ with

2) dress like them

3) pick one person from that group and follow them around and give them attention until they start inviting you places (it works if you want ti to)

4) try to be complementory towards them at first no matter what you say (i.e. make them feel good about themselves, because that’s all anyone wants) — without sounding too fake or shallow (find something you can mean — like maybe something they are wearing, or something they said you thought was funny, or something you like about their personallity)

5) then you can relax and be more yourself once they get to know you a little bit

It could also be really cool if your parents would let you be a foreign exchange student. It would give you a new environment to learn who you really are (and getting out of your current environment sometimes helps break habits too).

Personally I gave up in high school and decided that that wasn’t what I wanted and found ways to occupy my time so that I didn’t think about it too much (got a job, took college classes, took classes in high school that overlapped).

College is much better because you can find your place more easily and everyone doesn’t feel like they are competing with you for it. (plus for me it was really awesome because I went into a male dominated major — being the only straight girl in a class gets you a ton of attention and really helps with confidence).

And by the way it’s more watching what you say with girls versus guys rather than watching what you say. Many men still think that a well placed fart joke (esp. coming from a female, because it’s generally not expected) is very funny.

From what you typed up, it seems like you are mature. You just need to show the same matureness outside at school. Anyone who says they want to grow up and be mature is mature. If for some reason you feel like saying something immature, try not to say it. If people make fun of you for the way you dress, they are the ones being immature. Just try to remember school reputations don’t last long. Worst case is change schools, but this isn’t a bad enough situation for changing schools.

I totally know what you mean – I’ve never been able to let things roll off my back. What people think of me SHOULDN’T be important, I know that, but their words and opinions really have an effect on me. Lately, I’ve tried to put myself in the state of mind “Will anyone remember this in five years?”. Then it doesn’t seem to matter anymore. It really helps if you think to something you were embarassed about years ago, and now it seems insignificant.

Your reputation can definitely change. Smile at everyone you encounter, say hi to the people you know, ditch the trench coat. I’m not saying get a whole new wardrobe of stuff you’re uncomfortable in and hate, but dressing neater is the key – wear a fitted band tee shirt and jeans, or something like that.

Think before you speak – I’ve made a concious effort to do that lately and it really works! I know it sounds dumb, but before I blurt out a joke, I rethink it. I want to be witty, not annoying, and I’m guessing you feel the same.

Good luck, and remember, if someone doesn’t like you, that’s their own problem. Don’t waste any of your time or energy worrying about things you can’t control – and let me know when you figure out how, because I’d love to know haha =] There’s tons of people like you out there (cough me)… just remember you’re not alone, ever!