On a more serious note, one test would be to mix the substance with iodine and sodium hydroxide. If its alcohol it will turn cloudy yellow.

Water is odourless, most alcohols (methylated spirits, rubbing alcohol, beer, etc) have a distinctive scent.

If that doesn’t work, water is tasteless, so I would place a drop on your tongue and see if it has a taste.

I wouldn’t recommend drinking, in case it’s a high concentration of alcohol – you don’t want blood poisoning. A drop, however, should be just enough for you to get a taste, and if you spit immediately afterwards, very little should enter the blood stream.

Scent. Alcohols have a distinctive aroma.

Flamability. Alcohol is flamable, test a SMALL sample.

Density. Water is denser than oil, oil is denser than alcohol.

Solvency. Alcohol will disolve oil, water will not.

Flash-point. Alcohol will rapidly evaporate at body temperature, water much more slowly.

Ph. Water is neutral.

No… measure the pH. Water’s pH is neutral and with universal indicator solution mixed with the water, the water should turn green. Alcohol is around pH 8, so it will be a more bluey, purpley colour. You should be able to tell the difference between the colours.