A few days ago

Do you think this is a good start on my Autobiographical Incident essay? what should i do to improve it?

The rubric says that paragraph 1 should have answers to these questions:

1) What was your life like before the event?

2) What type of person were you – what were your beliefs and values?

3) How did you interact with others?

*(Give descriptive examples and details.

Here’s my first paragraph.

As a child, i was shy and never got into trouble. I would play by myself at parks because i had no brothers, sisters or pets, and was unwilling to make friends. Considering i was only 4 and didn’t attend pre-school, i was still doubtful of how kids would treat me. If a boy or girl tried to talk to me, i would respond in a careless way.

What do you think i should do to improve it?

Top 3 Answers
A few days ago

Favorite Answer

I don’t see that you have an ‘Incident’ [the event] mentioned.

‘As a child…’ you should mention what age you were refering to, to set the stage for the reader / listener. They will identify and relate with that age group themselves, to make your story seem true to them. You mention being 4, what other age[s] are you going to refer to? Can you briefly tell how you changed points of view when you were a couple years older?

Reword the 2nd sentence, try YOUR version of : ” having no siblings, I played alone at the park and was weary of making friends, I was so shy.” [*details: Being uncertain how to behave around others at the age of 4, I responded in careless ways.” [give a couple of examples here..]

In #1: you don’t mention your parents…poor, rich, sm. vs. large town…religious…sports minded…? Favorite relatives, pet, hobby? frustrations because? something? glasses?

In #2: What were you taught at that age? church? divorce? games? how to share w/others? manners? music? abuse? draw? dislike other cultures?

Hints: take each # and write multiple answers. This gives you time to ponder and find the best answers…and you will come up with more things to write/discuss as you write them down. Be sure to read what you write over and over to see if it ‘sounds’ good and correct to you. Good luck!


5 years ago
Once upon a time, long, long ago, I was born, or so says my mother. I assume she was there, but time, they say, is relative. On __/__/__, at 4pm, a blond, blue-eyed baby girl was born to Janet and Joseph Jones.. I waa born at a very young age, I am told. I really do not recall. I was born at a very young age, but I must admit that I recall nothing before my third birthday. That is, assuming it was my third. Or a simple statement of facts: I was born ___ years ago in the town of ________ to a family of two parents, two brothers, a turtle and a dog.

A few days ago
it’s good but since it’s autobiographical u should introduce yourself with ur family