You have a good topic, and your passion comes through well, especially in the part where you mention picking up animals and taking care of them.

I’ll pick out a few examples of specific problems:

Vagueness: “Volunteer work and non-profit work benefits a person more than anything else they can possibly do.” It’s the first sentence, so it has to be good. Have you read any offical studies about volunteerism? A good, concrete source might help here.

There’s vagueness here too: “…but that is a price I am willing to pay for the controlled situations.”

Tone problems: “The volunteer work shows that I am more caring and giving than most people, and that I can handle stress better than others.”/ “I care about animals almost as much as I care for my own family if not better.” I know what you mean to say in both examples, but instead of supporting you, they come through as put-downs to others.

Use of cliched phrases: It was “a dream come true.”/ 24/7 / I have to learn the hard way.

There are some grammatical problems, too.

Just go through each paragraph and make sure it applies to the paper topic: how it makes you a better person. Teachers/ professors are strict about that. Be specific, maybe cut some of the part about the age requirement (it feels like you’re trying to fill space) and it’ll be better.

I really do pity you though. These are the hardest papers to write. Good luck.

Focus… How would you respond to a friend or family member who said that working at the shelter is ruining your life (a waste of time, not meaningful, harming your grades, dangerous, etc.)? Come up with several points about how your efforts have made you a better person. Be sure to support your arguments with specific examples from your time at the shelter. I bet you can tell some pretty interesting stories to support your ideas. (ex. My work is meaningful. When Rover first came us he _____. We _____. From this, I learned _____. ) When you’re planning your examples, be careful about offering unsupported opinions. For example, “I am more caring and giving than most people” may imply that you feel you are in a position to pass judgment on others.

College English profs will try to put you at ease by having you write about a topic you’re familiar with, and then whammy your paper with all kinds of red ink for not staying on topic. Don’t let them fool you. Unless they specify otherwise, most instructors are testing your ability to develop an argument. An informal essay differs from a formal essay in tone, but not in the requirement for a well-defined, well-supported topic.

At any rate, while your paper needs to be tightened up a little, it’s close to where it needs to be.

good job!

i didnt find it boring at all,

shows you are a very caring person!