Today was the big day for Regina Hoffman, for today she was goint under “the blade”. There was nothing medically wrong with her;(,) in fact, Regina was a healthy person. She was always in sports like (Put active sport here) throughout her high school career(, thats were she became more social, always meeting new people- THIS PART DISRUPTS FLOW). Since she was a cheerleader, she felt (that) she needed to be just as gorgeous as the other girls on the squad. (This was the beginning of her troubles.) What she didn’t know was her desire to fit in would lead to the beginning of her troubles.

Final version:

Today was the big day for Regina Hoffman, for today she was goint under “the blade”. There was nothing medically wrong with her; in fact, Regina was a healthy person. She was always in sports like basketball throughout her high school career. Since she was a cheerleader, she felt she needed to be just as gorgeous as the other girls on the squad. What she didn’t know was her desire to fit in would lead to the beginning of her troubles.

REALLY INTERESTING START!!!!

HOPE IT WORKS OUT! =]

You dont always need to sound fancy to get an A+, but other than that it was great if you are in 7th grade and below A+. If 8th grade and up A- through B.

this is really really good but at the end of the “this was the beginning of her troubles.” it should look like this: This was the beginning of her troubles….