A few days ago
Anonymous

will someone please read this essay and correct it (it’s not finished yet) help me make it better. :)?

first paragraph:

Today was the big day for Regina Hoffman, for today she would be going under the blade. There was nothing medically wrong with her, in fact Regina was a healthy person. She was always in some sort of sport throughout high school, thats were she became more social, always meeting new people. Since she was a cheerleader, she felt that she needed to be just a gorgeous as the other girls on the squad. This was the beginning of her troubles.

Top 3 Answers
A few days ago
Ascending K

Favorite Answer

Today was the big day for Regina Hoffman, for today she was goint under “the blade”. There was nothing medically wrong with her;(,) in fact, Regina was a healthy person. She was always in sports like (Put active sport here) throughout her high school career(, thats were she became more social, always meeting new people- THIS PART DISRUPTS FLOW). Since she was a cheerleader, she felt (that) she needed to be just as gorgeous as the other girls on the squad. (This was the beginning of her troubles.) What she didn’t know was her desire to fit in would lead to the beginning of her troubles.

Final version:

Today was the big day for Regina Hoffman, for today she was goint under “the blade”. There was nothing medically wrong with her; in fact, Regina was a healthy person. She was always in sports like basketball throughout her high school career. Since she was a cheerleader, she felt she needed to be just as gorgeous as the other girls on the squad. What she didn’t know was her desire to fit in would lead to the beginning of her troubles.

REALLY INTERESTING START!!!!

HOPE IT WORKS OUT! =]

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A few days ago
Mark O
You dont always need to sound fancy to get an A+, but other than that it was great if you are in 7th grade and below A+. If 8th grade and up A- through B.
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A few days ago
Anonymous
this is really really good but at the end of the “this was the beginning of her troubles.” it should look like this: This was the beginning of her troubles….
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