hope this is good– you had a good concept, i just tweaked a little here and there…

I think the most worthy use of the money would be contributing it to charities. There are many ways this could occur. For instance, I would like to donate the money to build a new children’s hospital and to send food to the hungry children in Africa, because most of them are dying of the lack of food and good, reliable health care. Moreover, I want to contribute money to send care packages to soldiers in the Middle East. Every single day, the put their lives on the line for all of us back home, and they might not realize how much we appreciate them unless we tell them ourselves. They’re the ones who protect our land and fight against terrorist groups, such as the Taliban and the Al-Qaeda. I think sending care packages is the least we could do to show our appreciation. In addition, I’d like to donate utensils like forks and knives to the homeless from Katrina in New Orleans, since the hurricane has most likely taken these things that we would normally take for granted away. I like to think that I am giving someone who is struggling a hand up. That is the true meaning of contribution. What if something like the hurricane in New Orleans happened to me, and I was desperate for help? If a group helped me financially or physically, then I’d really appreciate their willingness to contribute to helping me. I’d be happy to contribute where my support is needed even though my contribution might only be a small amount of money.

hope you like it!

With the money, I would like to contribute to charities. I would donate to build a new children’s hospital and to send food to the hungry children in Africa since most of them are dying because of the lack of food and health care. Moreover, it would be a nice idea to send care packages to soldiers in the Middle East. Those soldiers are the ones who protect our country and fight against terrorist groups, such as the Taliban and the Al-Qaeda. These soldiers sacrifice their lives in order to maintain our freedom. Therefore, it is worthy to send and care packages to show our appreciation. In addition, I’d like to hopefullybring over utensils like forks and knives to the homeless in result from Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans. I am trying give people a sort of comfort and show that we care. That is the true meaning of contributing. Sometimes, I can be just like the homeless in New Orleans after the storm struck my house, and I would be desperate for help of those who care. If a group helps me financially or physically, then I’d really appreciate what

they have done. I’d be happy to give where my support is needed even though my contribution is a small amount of money.

2nd sentence: That is charity, change it to, “For instance, I would donate the money to build a children’s hospital and to send food to hungry children in Africa since many of them are dying due to a lack of food and health care”.

3rd sentence: Change to, “Also, I’d like to contribute money to send care packages to soldiers in the middle east.” Not sure “moreover” really works there.

4th sentence: Change to, “They are the ones THAT protect our land and fight against terrorist groups, such as the Taliban and (no the) Al-Qaeda”.

5th sentence: Instead of “The soliders” try “Those soldiers” as you’ve already introduced them in the previous sentence.

6th sentence: drop the “and”

7th sentence: Instead of “from Katrina in New Orleans” just say “to the Hurricane Katrina victims that were left homeless”

8th sentence: I believe you mean a “leg up.” Its somewhat innaproppriate, try “I would be giving them something the rest of us take for granted.”

9th sentence: good

10th sentence: change it to, “Some day I might find myself in the same situation as those in New Orleans, and I would be desperate for help.”

11th sentence: change it to, “I can’t imagine how grateful I would be if someone were to help me financially or physically.”