it to is and many other illegal suspension thats it

The Cincinnati Bengals arrest record is terrible. Many of the Bengals have commited crimes because of drugs, DUI and other illegal activities. Many of the crimes can result in sunpension from the team of even jail time. This is hurting the overall team by taking good players away and making the franchise look bad. The NFL needs to crack down on punishments for many of the crimes comitted from stupidity. With more harsh punishments, the players should not commit the crimes as much and change the public’s opinion of the NFL and the Cincinnati.

The Cincinnati Bengals arrest record is terrible. Many of the Bengals have crimes involving drugs, DUI’s, and other illegal activities. Many of these crimes can result in suspension from the team, or even jail time. This is hurting the whole team by removing scoring players from the playing field and making the franchise holder look incompetent as a manager. The NFL needs to crack down on punishments for the crimes committed by professional players. These men are the role models of our youth, and need to behave accordingly. With harsher punishments, we would suppose that the players would commit fewer crimes and change the public opinion of the NFL and the Cincinnati Bengals from one of disgust to one of admiration and respect.

The Cincinnati Bengals arrest record was terrible. Many of the Bengals have crimes from drugs, DUI, and other illegal activities. Many of these crimes can result in suspension from the team, or even jail time. This is hurting the overall team because taking good players away and making the franchise look bad. The NFL needs to crack down on punishments for many of the crimes committed from stupidity. With more harsh punishments, the players should not commit the crimes as much and change the publics opinion of the NFL and the Cincinnati Bengals.

I would maybe start out by saying that the Bengals are a good team, however, their arrest record is terrible.

Instead of just saying Bengals, I would say players on the team. Bengals are animals, not people. lol

I would spell out National Football League, and then further in your paper I would abbreviate NFL.

Then, I would say “With more harsh punishments, the players would be less likely to commit the crimes as much and change the opinion of the NFL and the Cincinnati Bengals.”

You wouldn’t want to say “the players should not commit the crimes” because you don’t know for a fact that they will or they won’t.

Hope I wasn’t too hard on you. 🙂

I’m game since I’m bored at work: “The Cincinnati Bengals arrest record is appalling with many of players convicted for drugs, DUI, and various other illegal acts. Many of these crimes will likely result in suspension from the team or worse: jail time. This hurts the team as a whole becauuse it takes away good players and can make the franchise itself look bad. The NFL needs to crack down on punishments for these acts of irresponsibility. With harsher punishments, it’s possible they will commit fewer crimes. As a result, this may change public opinion to a more positive view of not only the team, but the NFL as well.” I cleaned a few sentences, changed some words, fixed spelling, etc. Didn’t change the overall flow as I don’t want your work to be something entirely different. Good luck with the rest of your essay!

…other illegal activities…from the team or even jail time(no comma)…crimes committed…crimes as much, change the public’s opinion of the NFL, and…

wow, marcela i didnt know you knew that much about the NFL. Copy & paste, right?