A few days ago
Anonymous

i need a really good grade in english and i know this story isnt going to help can anybody help me????????????

Heres my story:

Going for her morning jog, Aaron suddenly found herself in a cloud of fog. It looked like one of those horror movies with the fog hanging ominously in the air. She was half way done when she heard a high pitched scream right in front of her. She stopped dead in her tracks. Do I dare go any further? Ok ill go slow so I have the energy to run if it’s horrible. She started to walk towards the scream until she saw a women lying on the ground

When Aaron got closer the women she noticed she was crying. “What’s wrong?” Aaron questioned.

“I died, I’m dead!” the women screamed

Aaron wondered a minute, is this women crazy she thought to herself. “Are you sure you’re dead?” Aaron questioned her.

“YES! I’m sure I’ve heard heaven is just like this.” She screamed

“Are you ok?” Aaron said as she gave the women a crazy look and ran off into the misty beyond.

Top 1 Answers
A few days ago
petlover948

Favorite Answer

I think in this story you want your reader to sympathize with Aaron a little bit more. The ending with Aaron just leaving the woman is a little harsh. Also “women” is plural and “woman” is singular. I tried to fix a few things here. But I can help you more if you tell me exactly what your assignment was and what grade you are in.

During her morning jog, Aaron suddenly found herself in a cloud of fog that seemed to have come out of nowhere. It reminded her of those horror movies with the fog hanging ominously in the air. She continued on with her one-mile jog with an uneasy feeling. She was halfway done when she heard a high pitched scream that seemed to be coming from something right in front of her. She stopped dead in her tracks. “Do I dare go any further?” she asked herself. After pondering for a moment she decided to continue, but slowly so that she would have the energy to run if something horrible was out there. She started to walk in the direction of the scream, and saw a woman lying on the ground. When Aaron got closer to the woman, she noticed that the woman was crying. “What’s wrong?” Aaron questioned her voice full of concern.

“I died; I’m dead!” the women screamed loudly and in a high pitch.

Aaron stared down at the woman and wondered if she was completely crazy. “Are you sure you’re dead?” Aaron questioned her, not quite understanding what had prompted the woman’s statement.

“Yes, I’m sure! I’ve heard heaven is just like this!” she screeched.

“Are you ok?” Aaron said as she gave the women a crazy look. The woman turned away from her, and Aaron, taking that as a dismissal, ran off into the misty beyond.

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