A few days ago
edtkkfif

How is this introduction?? Is my thesis strong?

I am correcting a papre I wrote to get into AP Literature and I ahve to fix the thesis and try to make it perfect. How does this sound for an opening paragraph? Can you easily see my thesis and could it stand alone? GIve me any of your opinions. Does it totally suck? Be honest..

THANKS!

the topic is how is Emma characterized more than Harriet?

In the passage, seemingly Harriet Smith’s physical features are expressed in detail and minute facets of Emma’s appearance are stated. With careful reading however, Emma’s character and who she is as a person are described far more than Harriet’s. The language and tone toward Emma clearly show her personality while with Harriet we only get to visualize her outer self.

Top 4 Answers
A few days ago
Anonymous

Favorite Answer

I think your thesis is strong, looks great to me.
0

A few days ago
maia
I used to be a college writing instructor, and what you have written now is as good as anything I read from my students. Your ideas are pretty sophisticated- you seem to have read Emma closely and picked up on some good details.

Here are some ideas that might make it even better:

1. Are there any words you can eliminate to make your ideas stand out even more- words like “seemingly” sound really academic but they don’t actually mean anything. Also when you write “Emma’s character” and “who she is as a person”- aren’t those the same thing? If not, is there another way to state it to show your audience the difference?

2. The last sentence is good, I know where you are going, but I’m wondering what’s next- why is it important that Emma is a fully developed character while Harriet is only shallowly developed? Why is Austen so focused on Emma’s character? Is Austen trying to set up a comparison between Emma and Harriet?

Like I said, you’ve done a good job, these suggestions are only meant to help you look at your thesis in a different way. It is difficult to comment on your thesis without seeing how it works with the rest of the paper, but it sounds really interesting!

0

A few days ago
Anonymous
I think that your thing is really good.. Better then i could write!
0

A few days ago
smelly pickles
Seems alright.
0