A few days ago
Anonymous

hero essay. can i get some honest feedback? HELP PLEASE!?

i’m writing an essay about who’s my hero for class. my sentence structure is absolutely horrible and also i don’t think it is very well written. my vocabulary’s poor too. can someone who’s a very good writer please help me to improve it and give me honest feedback and critisism. thank you guys SO much, you don’t know HOW MUCH this means to me. [: <3

Top 2 Answers
A few days ago
Teenage College Kid

Favorite Answer

While the essay is obviously touching and just what I suppose the teacher/college is looking for, it needs some “pop.” Here are some suggestions:

1. Talk with concrete examples about your grandfather. Tell me a story.

2. Start with a story. Throw me into this, and give me sensory details. Don’t merely list why he is your hero.

3. Use varying sentence structure. Don’t make every sentence one legnth with one predicate and verb, ect.

4. Add some metaphors and imagery. This is a great way to put your essay among higher level ones.

Vocabulary issues are easy to overcome. Choose a word, go to dictionary.com, look up the work under theasrus. But do not do this too often as it makes the essay seem overdone and “fake.”

Good Luck!

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A few days ago
Bella
well it took a lot of time *till i read it but this is great.G R E A T! i m best from essays in my generation (in school) and this my critism is positive.very positive.how old are you anyway?
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