over the summer. Steven was at a teen night club late one evening. While he was

there, he saw a young boy get shot nine times. The bullets entered various places in his body. He was shot in the head, hand and chest. The boy died. The victim appeared to be young, only

thirteen or fourteen years old. The shooter left the scene after he shot the young boy.

The police were not called. In the neighborhood that this teen club is located, it was not an unusual occurrence to have a shooting. This type of violence is considered part of the way of life in a gang infested neighborhood. Gang activity is not abnormal for the people who live there. After such an awful experience,

Steven was afraid to go home. He felt he should tell someone so he shared his story with is grandmother.

Steven sat in his room thinking about the shooting; he then started to become emotional. He thought about the family of the dead young man and thought how hard it must have been for them to hear about a loved one dying. Steven Stag vowed to himself that he will make sure he is in a safe environment and he will

also pay close attention to who he is hanging out with.

IPSteven was at a teen night club late one night. While he was there, he saw a young boy get shot nine times. The boy died from the various wounds to his head, hand and chest. He looked like he was thirteen or fourteen.

IPAs the shooter fled the scene, nobody called the police because that’s what gangs do.

IPAfter that had happened, Steven was scared to go home because he didn’t know who to tell. He then decided to

tell his Grandmother.

IPAs Steven sat in his room, thinking about the shooting, he started to weep. He thought how hard it must have been to hear about a loved one dying.

IPSteven Stag says that he will make sure he is in a safe environment and he will also pay much more attention to who he is hanging out with.

*** IP = Indent Paragraph

over the summer. Steven was at a teen nightclub late at night. During the time he was there, he saw a young boy get shot nine times around his body. He got shot in the head, hand, and chest. This caused the boy to die. He looked like he was thirteen or fourteen. The shooter took off after he shot the victim. Nobody called the police because that’s what gangs do. After that had happened, Steven was scared to go home because he didn’t know whom to tell. He then decided to tell his grandmother.

As Steven sat in his room thinking about the shooting, he started to tear up. He

thought how hard it must have been to hear about a loved one dying.

Steven Stag says that he will make sure he is in a safe environment; and he will

also pay much more attention to who he is hanging out with.

Steven a senior from Graham high School was living in new York over the summer. Steven was at a teen night club late at night during the time he was there he saw a young boy get shot nine times around his body. He got shot in the head, hand, and chest. This caused the boy to die. He looked like he was thirteen or fourteen. The shooter took off after he shot the victim. Nobody called the police because that’s what gangs do. After that had happened Steven was scared to go home because he didn’t know who to tell. He then decided to tell his grandmother.

As Steven sat in his room thinking about the shooting, He started to tear up. He thought how hard it must have been to hear about a loved one dying. Steven Stag says that he will make sure he is in a safe environment and he will also pay much more attention to who he is hanging out with.

over the summer. Steven was at a teen night club late at night During the time he was

there he saw a young boy get shot nine times around his body. He got shot in the head, hand, and chest. This cowzed the boy to die. He looked like

he was thirteen or fourteen. The shooter took off after he shot the victim.

Nobody called the police because that’s what gangs do. After that had happened

Steven was scared to go home because he didn’t know who to tell. He then decided to

tell his grand mother.

As Steven sat in his room thinking about the shooting, He started to tear up. He

thought how hard it must have been to hear about a loved one dying.

Steven Stag says that he will make sure he is in a safe environment and he will

also pay much more attention to who he is hanging out with.

What is that word “cowzed” supposed to mean?

Steven was at a teen night club late one evening, while there he witnessed a young boy shot 9 times in various places on his body.

did steven ever go home? and was it stevens grandmother or the victims grandmother? the reason i ask is because you state how hard it must of been to hear about a loved one, so i am assuming that you meant that steven told the victims grandmother. and if that is so, how did steven know the victims grandmother. the last sentence is just out there with no connection with the whole story. My suggestion is to read this out loud to you and pretend that you have no idea the idea you are trying to get across and see if you understand it. try to see it from a total stranger reading this like me and not knowing where you are going with this story. Hope this helps.

PS–Don’t copy and paste oxihero’s he did not correct anything and still left the wrong words capitalized. what a dork–LOL

cowzed is caused.

you do have some capitalization errors as well:

Graham High School

New York

about the shooting, he started to tear up

missing puncuation:

late at night. During the time

a safe enivornment, and he will also