Next sentence: scrap however

These desires may lead to a huge….

That’s a start, you work out the rest.

you wrote:

The world is changing faster than ever in the last couple of decades (how? if you can not answer how, then it is your opinion, not something you want to put in an essay unless it is the conclusion), and people are competing for jobs (tell us how people are competing), Also (no caps in also) people become more realistic as of innovation are introduced (reread this sentence it’s not making much sense, how are people becoming more realistic?). More money is needed to sustain status (what status?). However, these may lead to a huge impact on social life and health. (give examples of the impacts)

First of all (don’t start with first of all unless you are listing things, i see you are not making a list so first should be eliminated). (New Sentence) when people spend too much time on work, they don’t have time for their families (,)or children. As a result it can have a negative effect on marriage life (what kind of negative effect? will it rain acid? or does it have a socialization impact on the marriage life?) .Workaholism (quotes around workaholism, is this really a word? check the dictionary, if it exists then you will not need quotes but you should define ‘Workaholism’) puts a marriage at risk (what kind of risks? falling down the steps? or divorce and seperation). Spouses of workaholics often feel estranged from their mates and express less affection (how do you know?). Moreover, the children may feel they are less taken care of by their parents (,)and may grow isolated from their parents.